Dating & Relationships

I get a lot of guys who write in to ask me for dating advice on how to behave around women. Many of those questions focus on the first meeting or the first date.

I thought I'd devote one entire newsletter to a concept that I feel is VITAL to understand if you're wondering how to behave around a woman you've just met.

A MISTAKE ALMOST EVERY GUY MAKES

I've noticed a KEY difference between the way men and women act when they meet a "potential mate".

Women usually act in a way that can be characterized like this:

"You're interesting to me. I'd like to get to know you better, and we can see where this goes."

Men usually act in a way that can be characterized like this:

"I am so interested in you that I'm nervous. In fact, I'm already thinking of you as a potential girlfriend or wife... or at least a one-night stand."

In other words, women are usually casual and laid-back when they're first meeting a guy...

But GUYS tend to act like every girl is a POTENTIAL WIFE.

As you can imagine, this creates a lot of tension and pressure.

And I'm not talking about the GOOD kind, either.

I'm talking about the kind that makes men shiver and shake with nervousness, and women feel uncomfortable because the MAN is acting uncomfortable.

I KNOW that you can relate to this in some way.


THE ANSWER

The simple dating advice here is...

DON'T DO IT.

If you start acting all freakish and nervous when you're talking to a woman, you're probably going to screw things up before they've even had a chance to get started.

Treating a woman that you've just met as if she very well could be the love of your life is something you should NEVER do.

Instead, take a very different approach.

My favorite is to ASSUME that every woman has SOMETHING that's going to annoy me, bother me, or SCREW UP HER CHANCES with me.

The MAIN reason that I do this...

SURPRISE...

IS THAT IT'S TRUE!

Duh.

The fact is that MOST women are NOT compatible "long term" with most men. In other words, there if you do get into a long-term relationship with a particular woman, the chances are that she's going to have things about her that you don't like.

One of my favorite Cocky & Funny themes to follow is "You're screwing up your chances with me".

Let's say I'm walking down the street with a girl to have a cup of tea. Let's assume that she and I just met the night before, I got her number, and now we're walking from my place to tea.

On the way in the door to the coffee shop, she trips over the doorway.

I might look at her, shake my head in an "overly dramatic fake annoyed" way, and say "This relationship just isn't going to work".

Then, let's say fifteen minutes later she spills her tea on the table and herself.

I'll shake my head again and say "What did I tell you about this kind of behavior?".

In other words, I'm communicating the very OPPOSITE of "You're a potential wife". I'm saying "I'm so comfortable around you that I can even make fun of you without caring what you think of me".

Does this sound a little crazy?

Good. It should.

But trust me.

If you spend a couple of hours having regular, normal conversation... being Cocky & Funny, enjoying yourself, NOT trying to impress her, and generally demonstrating that you could care less how things turn out, you'll be FAR more likely to take things further than if you act as if she might be the love of your life and you wind up acting so nervous, stilted, and DUMB that she runs away.

So here it is your bit of dating advice... one thing that most guys who are unsuccessful with women do that screws things up... one thing to AVOID:

DON'T TREAT A WOMAN YOU'VE JUST MET AS IF SHE'S A POTENTIAL FUTURE WIFE OR GIRLFRIEND.

Instead, lean back. Be cool. Make jokes about her screwing up her chances with you. Tell her that she's a nice friend. Assume that she has qualities that are going to annoy you, then point them out (in a Cocky & Funny way, of course).

Don't lose your composure. It can be fatal if you do.

Another bit of dating advice:

Most guys don't "get" women.

And, unfortunately, most guys look for tricks and "pick up lines" when it comes time to LEARN how to meet women.

They don't realize that all the tricks in the world aren't going to help them if they don't UNDERSTAND what's "going on".

What’s the ULTIMATE mistake men make with women? What’s the ONE thing that trips up more guys than anything else? It’s being what David D. so affectionately calls a “Wussy.” If you want an “insurance policy” against coming across as weak and insecure to a woman you really like, check out the article below by David D. You’ll learn specific tips that could be just want you need to take your success with women to the next level.


I want to share an interesting insight with you that not 1 in 100 men ever realize on their own. It's actually TWO insights, but they're two sides of the same coin.

It's an amazingly OBVIOUS double insight, and once you know what it is, you'll see evidence of it all around you, in every interaction between a man and a woman.

And it goes a little sumthin' like this:

1. Most men behave like WUSSIES when it comes to women and dating.

2. Women NEVER feel the powerful and magical emotion called ATTRACTION for WUSSIES.

So let's take them one at a time.

WHAT exactly IS a WUSSY?

A Wussy is a guy who kisses up to women.

A Wussy is a guy who does whatever a woman wants him to do, and doesn't even know if or when a woman is testing him.

A Wussy is a guy who accepts manipulative behavior from women, and doesn't care if a woman flakes out on him, takes advantage of him, or acts overly dramatic around him.

A Wussy is a guy who has no backbone, and caves when challenged by a woman.

A Wussy is a guy who feels that he needs to BUY or PAY FOR a woman's attention and affection with gifts, dinners, compliments, and other forms of payment and flattery...because he can't imagine that a woman would want to be with him just for HIM.

In short, a WUSSY is a submissive man who tries to compensate for his lack of ability to attract women by being overly accommodating and generous.

What’s the ULTIMATE mistake men make with women? What’s the ONE thing that trips up more guys than anything else? It’s being what David D. so affectionately calls a “Wussy.” If you want an “insurance policy” against coming across as weak and insecure to a woman you really like, check out the article below by David D. You’ll learn specific tips that could be just want you need to take your success with women to the next level.


I want to share an interesting insight with you that not 1 in 100 men ever realize on their own. It's actually TWO insights, but they're two sides of the same coin.

It's an amazingly OBVIOUS double insight, and once you know what it is, you'll see evidence of it all around you, in every interaction between a man and a woman.

And it goes a little sumthin' like this:

1. Most men behave like WUSSIES when it comes to women and dating.

2. Women NEVER feel the powerful and magical emotion called ATTRACTION for WUSSIES.

So let's take them one at a time.

WHAT exactly IS a WUSSY?

A Wussy is a guy who kisses up to women.

A Wussy is a guy who does whatever a woman wants him to do, and doesn't even know if or when a woman is testing him.

A Wussy is a guy who accepts manipulative behavior from women, and doesn't care if a woman flakes out on him, takes advantage of him, or acts overly dramatic around him.

A Wussy is a guy who has no backbone, and caves when challenged by a woman.

A Wussy is a guy who feels that he needs to BUY or PAY FOR a woman's attention and affection with gifts, dinners, compliments, and other forms of payment and flattery...because he can't imagine that a woman would want to be with him just for HIM.

In short, a WUSSY is a submissive man who tries to compensate for his lack of ability to attract women by being overly accommodating and generous.

NEWS JUST IN: MOST MEN ACT LIKE WUSSIES!

And if that wasn't bad enough, here's the REALLY bad news: Women will NEVER feel ATTRACTION for this kind of behavior, or this kind of guy!

(If you even doubt what I'm saying for a SECOND, then try this simple test: Find 3 attractive women, and ask them if they ever feel a gut-level ATTRACTION for guys who kiss up to them and act like Wussies, and watch what they say.)

Want some even WORSE news?

When this kind of tactic doesn't work for a guy, he'll usually TRY HARDER, and become even MORE of a WUSSY to make a girl like him... and the more a girl runs away, the more a WUSSY most guys become.

YOU DO THE MATH and figure out the outcome of this equation.

It totally blows my mind how a guy will kiss up to a woman and watch with HIS OWN TWO EYES as she becomes more and more distant... and instead of him realizing that it's his own WUSS behavior that's causing the woman to run away he just keeps doing it... AND EVEN INCREASING IT!

And how do I know this so well?

Because I, my friend, used to be a BIG TIME Wuss Bag.

Of course, when I think back about situations in my life where I behaved like a Wuss and caused a woman to lose her attraction for me, I slap my head and say "DUH!"

For whatever reason, it just wasn't obvious to me in the moment.

And I think that MOST guys go their whole lives without realizing this critical insight.

Let me tell you something else that is VITALLY important for you to remember:

WOMEN HAVE MILITARY GRADE WUSS-DETECTION RADAR SYSTEMS.

Notice that I didn't say "Women are pretty good at figuring out whether or not you're a Wuss".

No no noooooo.

I said that women have MILITARY GRADE WUSS-DETECTION SYSTEMS.

I'm talking special forces navy seal top gun covert ops here.

I'm talking INSTANT WUSSY DETECTION.

A woman can tell if you're a Wussy, in most cases, BEFORE YOU EVEN OPEN YOUR MOUTH.

So if women aren't attracted to Wussies, then why is it that they sometimes accept invitations to dinner, gifts, flowers, and attention from guys who are Wussies, only to reject them later on?

Well, think about it.

1. Free food is free food, and free gifts are free gifts...I mean, when the price is right, it's right.

2. Women say to themselves "I really SHOULD date a nice guy instead of all these SEXY JERKS that I've been seeing. I'll let Mr. Girly Man take me out to dinner a few times and maybe I can learn to like him".

3. If a woman doesn't have anything going on at all, dinner with a Wussy and a constant stream of compliments and attention is better than nothing.

4. Men are NOTORIOUS for showing their "non-Wuss" side early on, but then somehow turning into a woman's worst nightmare Wuss Boy as the relationship progresses. What to do, what to do?

Well, sometimes these things are like a substance abuse problem. The first step is ADMITTING that you've been being a WUSS all your life, and that you were doing the best you could with what you had to work with.

I often make fun of guys who act like Wussies, and bust on them unmercifully... but the fact is that I've been there, and I get it.

So step one is accepting yourself as you are, and making a commitment to yourself to improve from here on out.

Next, you need to learn how to EVICT your inner Wuss, and then it's time to get down to business and learn how to create that magical feeling called ATTRACTION inside of women.

It's not magic, and it's not voodoo. Making women feel a powerful, gut-level ATTRACTION for you doesn't require looks or money, and I honestly believe that almost ANY man can learn how to do it.

The amazing part about it is that we all have the NATURAL ability to communicate with women in a way that makes them feel ATTRACTION... but most of us guys never DEVELOPED this natural skill.

We either didn't have good role models, we were programmed wrong by mom or other well-meaning people in our lives, or whatever.

But just because you haven't yet learned how to use and develop these natural talents doesn't mean that you can't start NOW.

“Distance makes the heart grow fonder”. Wrong! Your long distance relationship needs work. There isn’t going to be any ‘fonder’ if you just let it hibernate. So sit up and read these great tips on how to spice up your love life from across the miles!
Instant messaging

Right from Yahoo to MSN to AOL there are a number of ways to IM each other! So make use of technology. It’s free! Think of creative way to express your love. Don’t let out of sight be out of mind!

“Having gone through this Long Distance Relationship (or LDR as they call it) made me realise how important communication is in a relationship…All in the name of love, couples would do everything and all effort to keep communication going. And only then can an LDR work.”

Marie, Gorgeous Traveler

Puzzles that intrigue

Everyone loves a puzzle. Send your loved one a personalised puzzle that will get him thinking of you. If you want him to stay focussed on you then ensure he’s thinking about you. Get creative with your puzzles and keep them centred on your relationship.
Personal calendar

Even if you have photo phobia this idea is worth the risk! Pull out old photos of you as a couple. Pick the ones where you both are smiling or just plain happy. Get them enlarged. Use cardboard to make a fancy handmade calendar with the photos. Now it’s picture perfect!

By nature I’m an optimist so I do believe that LDR’s can work. However, the people involved have to be very deliberate about making it work. Stay positive!

Keesha Boyd, Psychologically Speaking

Food delivery

If he likes your apply pie then use it as leverage! Which guy can resist a home delivery of home cooked food! Or if he’s really that far away get a restaurant to deliver the dish. Then you can use a webcam to share this moment together!
Your songs

If there’s a popular radio station that he tunes in to every morning, get the DJ to dedicate a song to him. This works best on special occasions especially if you can meet him in person.
Online greeting cards

Online greeting cards are a great way to express your love for each other. These are free and can be sent in a few minutes. You can choose from innumerable categories and messages. Remember to add a personalised note!

Old emails

Remember your first emails to each other? If you still have those around then print them out and place them in a pretty folder. Segregate them month-wise so he can relive those memories even when you are not around.
Same time movies!

Even if both of you are apart it doesn’t mean you can’t have fun at the same time! Try catching up on the same movie at the same time - even if it means odd hours for you! It’s the thrill of it that counts!

Something that you can do so it feels more like you’re together.

Sara Hacker

It’s amazing what your imagination can do for your love life, if you just let it! The idea is to create a feeling of togetherness even if you are not physically present. Communication is vital so don’t let silence fill up the space between you. Even if it’s a simple phone call, make it count!

There is no long distance about love, it always finds a way to bring hearts together no matter how many miles there are between them.

Anonymous

So even if you are in a long distance relationship it does not have to be dull. You can spice it up nicely and add a splash of romance! Bring out your creative spirit and let it run wild!

Alright, so you are just about to launch yourself into the dating scene. Maybe you’ve got your fingers burnt before. It doesn’t matter. Everyone deserves a fresh start. Read on to find out 10 dating bloopers you just have to avoid!

“First dates can be stressful, especially if you’re virtual strangers who know nothing about each other. The trick is getting the other person to relax and open up so the conversation can flow freely. This will help you relax as well.”

Isabella Snow

Ms. Droopy

Maybe you don’t like the way you look. Maybe your nose is crooked or your big toe is far too big! Who cares? Stay positive! Learn to love yourself. Don’t prepare for rejection if you don’t want to be turned down. Respect yourself and enter that date with dignity.

Geek magnet?

If you seem to attract all the weird, nerdy guys out there, maybe it’s the way you dress! Dress smart and take a good look at the mirror before you meet your date. You don’t want to have an extra roller somewhere in your hair or an eye with undone makeup.

“Dressing like early sleazy may get his attention but not his affection. Try peekaboo styles that leave something to the imagination. Make crochet or sheer tops and slit skirts your weapons of choice.”

Dandy, Lovers Manual

Body odour

This may be so obvious but it is strange how so many people go out on dates without spraying on some deodorant! Smelling good is like an aphrodisiac. After all, you want to take his breath away but in a positive sense!
Order something you can eat

You may want to be polite and order what he’s having but get something you can actually eat. Don’t go for a large burger with dripping cheese. Order something where you can take smaller bites so your lipstick stays on and intact!
Going overboard with the future!

You haven’t been on the second date yet and you find yourself fantasizing about spending your life with him! We girls do that a lot! Get a hold of yourself and be practical. Take each date as it comes!

“You mentioned marriage & kids… The minute you start to mention commitments of any kind that go beyond the potential second date, you’ve probably lost him.”

Justin, LadyThrills


Old baggage - not good

If you keep talking about your ex-boyfriend you can say goodbye to your new relationship. Keep your old baggage behind and judge your date on his own merits. No one likes being second best. Period.

“Carrying old baggage into a new relationship can be disastrous. Sure we’ve all had previous relationships, and yes your new love will find out about them. But, if you are constantly complaining about your ex, or always comparing your current love to your ex, it will get real old, real fast.”

Marie Claire, Dating Women Online

Getting inquisitive

You may be dying to find out about every member of his family. Back away! Don’t frighten him away. Get to know him a little and don’t play the FBI role on your first date. Just relax and let things happen naturally.
Bending backwards to please

He may be a complete genius but that doesn’t mean you have to be a doormat. There is no need for you to go the extra mile to please your date unless he or she is also doing the same. Make sure you’re getting as much out of it as he is.


Instigating a fight!

You’ve just had a lovely date with a nice guy. He’s driving you home. Think of topics that are neutral to discuss. Stay away from religion, politics and other sensitive issues.
Obsessing over it

Did I say something I shouldn’t have? Why didn’t he call like when he said he would? Did I mess things up? Stop worrying. Everybody makes mistakes and it doesn’t matter. If he’s the one then he’ll be back!

“Learn how to say good bye to your date. Do not ask him the leading question: “When will I see you again”? Do not press on him… The initiative of the next date should come from a man. Thank him for the great evening and disappear like a fairy into the night.”

First Date Mistakes

So follow these tips and you will soon be a dating pro! Above all, just learn to relax and have some fun. Dates are meant to be a fun experience!

It’s “Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus” all over again.
When we talk about feelings, why is it that men seem to have a hard time expressing themselves as compared to women? Is it because in a relationship, women have a greater emotional investment than men?

Take the big “I love you” declaration as an example. For men, saying these three little words require a huge effort -but the urge comes quite easily for most women.

Similarly, in a fight, women like to dissect the emotional reasons behind the issues. For men? They want to skip the “Let’s talk” part and proceed ASAP to kissing and making up.

In the tradition of our top lists, here is AllWomensTalk top 3 secrets behind the silence of the men =)

Secret # 3: It’s a neurological thing.

Without the basic physical and psychological differences between men and women, relationships would not be as exciting. Life would never be the same without experiencing the joys of falling in love and suffering the pains of a breakup.

Now, when it comes to talking about feelings, the culprit is the Corpus Callosum, the part of the brain which connects the left and right brain hemisphere. Let’s not go into the scientific stuff here -but the gist is that this part of the brain is larger in women than men. The result is that women can think and feel at the same time -while men naturally separate their feelings from what they are thinking. This creates their reluctance to talk about all that mushy stuff that women love to hash out.

Secret # 2: Men are reluctant to talk because they’re afraid of saying something wrong.

Admit it -almost every woman feels like she can give Oprah a run for her money as a talk show host. This is exactly what men are intimidated with. For the most part, men feel that if they open up about their feelings, women will put on their ‘psyche’ mode. They feel that saying the wrong thing will put them in a lot of trouble -that’s why they clam up. Giving them some a lot of leeway in this area is always a good idea.

Secret # 1: Men express their feelings through action more than through words.

When your boyfriend has a bunch of flowers delivered to your office, it’s his way of saying that he’s thinking about you. When a relatively new beau plans for a long weekend that you two can go together next summer - it’s his way of saying that he plans to stick around for a long time. When he has your car sent to the mechanic for an engine check-up, its means that he cares a lot about your safety. The cliché actions speak louder than words applies when it comes to men’s feelings.

So instead of waiting for an undying declaration of love - look for those little and grand gestures which show rather than tell you how he feels.

women are now trying to help men learn how to approach and talk to woman. The dating scene is now completely different than it used to be. Before women always wanted to be a mystery.

Women now know that if they want a nice guy, they have to be less of a mystery.

Women are now know that most nice guys are to shy to approach or talk to them. Most of those men are to shy because they are not sure what to do or say. For that reason, they don’t want to come across nervous and they are afraid to be rejected.

This is the main reason why women are now taking control of the dating scene. Women are now writing magazine articles and books to try and help men understand exactly what it is that woman want. Even a shy guy will have the confidence that is needed to approach and talk to woman.

Now that women are willing to give away all their secrets; any guy can get a woman. No longer do you have to spend your evenings alone.

Woman are tired of the same guy approaching them. For that reason, they are still single themselves and looking for the right guy for her.

The most important thing you want to remember is to stay confident. Woman want you to be confident. That is why they are willing to tell you all the secrets about themselves.

Never again do you have to spend a another nite alone. Learn how easy it really can be to approach and talk to woman.

Men, who are lazy are, usually, too comfortable in their relationships. They have worn themselves out in their attempt to ‘get you.’ They probably feel they have ‘done their bit’ at the onset of a relationship, and will happily sit back and bathe in the emotional nurturing that you are giving them. What do they expect in a relationship?

• They expect you to do stuff for them (cooking, washing, ironing, cleaning, etc.)

• They expect an easy life

• They do not expect to work hard outside their professional working life

• They have been spoilt by someone (mother, previous partner) and expect the same ‘coddling’ from you

• Men expect to stay as they are and are not prepared change their ways

• They expect you to be grateful you have them

• They want their own way

• They want to control the household from the armchair

• They expect, and believe, they have power (the power you give them)

• They are masters at supervising you

• They are masters at giving orders

• They make you feel inferior if you can’t manage to do it all

• They want you to cater to their every need

• They do not expect to be challenged by you

This is a typical list that I am sure you can add too!

Why are they lazy? Because, you allow them to be! You have given them the power to be the way they are, or at least to stay the way they are. It’s too easy to blame their mothers and their past relationships for the way they are.

Too much time is spent on the ‘blame culture trail.’ It may be necessary for some people to look back in an attempt to find out why they behave the way they do or perhaps, to make excuses for their present state. Looking back is fruitless in the long term because you are not heading that way are you? If you concentrate on the ‘now’ then you have to accept that the lazy person in your life is now an adult with a mind of his own and has the choice and the freedom to change his thinking patterns and his ways. However, why would he want to change his ways if he is getting everything done for him?

What amazes me is that, during early courtship, most people are caught up in the notion, and belief, that their new man can do anything and everything. Indeed, throughout the courtship their man may have been proactive and keen to show his skills. The change comes after the ring goes on the finger! Sad, isn’t it that these men believe, that once they have got you, they don’t have to continue the effort to keep you.

Ask yourself:

• Did you both put down ground rules for your relationship?

• Did you discuss role and responsibilities?

• Did you just assume that he would be responsible and accountable?

• Did you expect your ‘happy bubble’ to burst?

• Did you expect him to care and share?

How can you change?

Don’t put off ‘till tomorrow what you can do today!’

If you are interested in the task then you will be less likely to ‘put it off.’ When you eventually do the task, (and you will do it sometime), it will be at the very last minute and you will, probably, only catch the deadline in the nick of time. Generally it has been established that you procrastinate in three areas:

• Personal

• Self-development

• Commitments

Personal:

This covers a wide area, which includes health, cleanliness, financial affairs, domestic environment (cleaning, etc.) work.

Self-development:

Procrastinating in this area of your life is indicative of a mild depression or an anxious state. You don’t feel you are able to accept new interests and challenges. Your self-esteem and self-confidence has been eroded, and any task presented to you, you believe would be rejected and unacceptable, because you fear the outcome. You are scared of failing in the task. You don’t want to look stupid!

Commitments:

If you have made a commitment to do something for someone else, you will put it off in the misguided hope that the person you have promised, will forget about it! Instead, you should be as good as your word and complete the task as promised.

Everyone procrastinates sometimes! You tell yourself, with conviction, that you will do the task later. Thereby, avoiding doing the task now. The difference between procrastination and laziness is that when you procrastinate, the task to be accomplished, weighs heavily on your mind causing you to become stressed, and eventually you will come around to doing the task so that you can get it off your mind. Laziness on the other hand is not giving a damn about completing the task ever!

Procrastination is no more that a very bad habit or routine. It can be overturned! Your inner dialogue (this is the self-talk and mind-chatter we all do in our mind), is programmed this way, due to experiences you have had in the past, that have been difficult to deal with.

In order to overturn procrastination you need to do the following:

• Change your inner dialogue from negative ‘I will do it later,’ to a positive dialogue, ‘I will do it now.’

• Practice your new dialogue until it comes into your mind easily

• Know when you are procrastinating

• Keep a journal of all the things that you ‘put off’ on a regular basis. If you know what they, then you could ask for help in doing the task until you feel able to do it alone

• Make a short-term plan of your commitments and write down when you are going to attack them

There might be a tendency to ‘give up’ and to continue procrastinating. Ask yourself why you are doing this? Is it because it’s easier for you? If this is so, it is not a good enough reason – as it clearly identifies that you are opting out of responsibility. Your life will be richer and far more satisfying if you teach yourself to stop procrastinating and start accepting challenges. This will improve your self-esteem, self-image, self-confidence, self-respect. It will also affect the way you are perceived by others in a positive way.