Dating & Relationships

How do you walk away from someone you love
And take the road of friend;
Can you reroute the course you have taken
And start over once again?

I don't really want to let you go
But inside me I know I must;
The times we've loved . . . the times you've left
My heart says stay . . . but it's my mind I must trust.

We have shared so much together
Laughter . . . fun times . . . tears;
Yet sometimes we can't turn back time
We must walk away, and allow ourselves to heal.

I know one day you will be happy
And your soulmate you will find;
I know we each have one out there
Even if for now . . . only in our minds.

May life be gentle with you
May God's best come your way;
And on some quiet tomorrow
You will realize things were better this way.

In some relationships one of the partners will suddenly decide they need a break from the other person. No one is exactly sure what this means but in most cases it means the partners who requested the break wants to date other people. If you are a man who has a girlfriend who recently said this to you, you may be sitting at home thinking of every worse case scenario possible. Your thoughts will run thru the entire series including which man she is spending her time with and what they are doing. If you aren't ready to hand her over to another man, there are ways to get your girlfriend back in your life.

One thing that many men face when their girlfriend decides to take a break is that they don't get themselves into that same mindset. Instead of using the time to explore other dating experiences, they sit at home waiting for their girlfriend to call with her decision. In essence, the man is putting his entire life on hold while his girlfriend goes out and has as much fun as she likes. One of the most effective ways to get your girlfriend back if she wants to date other people is to do the same. She'll will hear of what you are doing and if she has any feelings for you at all, it will drive her crazy.

If your girlfriend has already started seeing someone else, don't take it upon yourself to point out all of his flaws to her. Do not make negative comments about him because this will result in her thinking you are jealous. If she does bring him up when talking to you, and she likely will, tell her that he sounds great. End the call quickly by telling her that you've got plans and that you hope to talk soon. Treat her as you would any friend. It's very important when you are looking for ways to get your girlfriend back, to try and view her as a friend. If you can't do it, at least learn to treat her as such. This is your first action in eventually getting her back.

A very large and common mistake that men make when they are looking for ways to get their relationship back to the way it once was, is to make themselves completely available to their ex girlfriend. This means that when she calls, he jumps. If she calls telling him she wants to talk, he'll rush right over. If she calls him because she's lonely, he'll be the one who comforts her. Putting yourself in this position is a huge mistake. If you do this, your girlfriend will take you for granted. She'll view you as someone who will wait for her, no matter what she does. You need to show her that you are not that person. Don't run to her. Let her be the one who comes to you. To do that you need to make yourself scarce and keep yourself as busy as possible. She needs to see that you have a full and enriching life without her.

?

I met a girl who showed me she was interested (smiles, body language, etc). She is the one who gave me her phone number. We started dating. She introduced me to her family and friends.

Her mother told her that to be successfull in life I was the right guy for her. Her mother and family adored me. She would not stop telling me how happy she was with me, that she felt so good when we were around each other, etc etc.

She bought a big house plant for my living room and put us as being in a relationship on facebook. She talked about us moving in together.

So I thought that things were flowing well towards something more serious than just dating...

Then out of nowhere she went back to her ex-boyfriend. The same ex boyfriend that her mother dislikes. The same ex boyfriend that would threaten suicide and call her crying while we were dating to try and get her back. The same ex boyfriend that had cheated on her and that she accused of having stinky feet and unbrushed teeth. The same ex-boyfriend that at 30 years old has not finished his studies, works a part time job as a waiter and lives with roommates...

I do not understand!!?? I have my own apartment. I have a great full time job working for the leader of a federal political party. While he is short chubby and average looking I am tall fit and average looking. My teeth are brushed and my feet dont stink. I dont cry and threaten suicide to get a girl back.

Still I end up single, rejected, broken hearted and used while her ex-boyfriend ends up happy and satisfied. There were obviously problems in their relationship or they would not have broken up in the first place. And what does she do? Leaves me to return to something broken...

I really dont understand...how can I trust women now. How can I trust love, relationships, dating, body language...

I still have hope that she comes back to me but even then I know this would not be a good thing!!

Lost love. It's difficult to think of great literature without this enduring theme. Would, for example, Emily Bronte's Heathcliff and his passion for Cathy have captured our imaginations if they had lived happily ever after in Wuthering Heights? And would Romeo and Juliet have been as memorable if they had quietly married with the blessing of their families?

Unfortunately, what makes for great reading doesn't play out well in real life. As in recovering from a grave physical injury, healing a broken heart takes time and care. If time doesn't ease your grief, or it interferes with your work or your ability to connect with friends and relatives, you probably need professional help: You may be battling a case of severe depression.

What feelings are normal after the breakup of a relationship?

The rupture of an intimate bond between two people spells crisis in most people's lives, and grief and even anger are normal, healthy responses to this overwhelming loss. In a breakup, not only are you losing the person you love, but your existence as part of that couple. For most of us that means the loss of the way we led our lives and much of what we held dear -- love and intimacy, the social activities we care about, shared friendships, and a secure home. Small wonder, then, that the end of a relationship can feel as though life has ended as well.

Certainly, the pain associated with losing a loved one is not confined to married couples. Some studies indicate that as many as one out of five teenagers suffers depression because of a romantic breakup. Teenagers who've gone through a romantic breakup, in fact, are more likely to experience the onset of a major depression while still in adolescence, according to a study published in the Journal of Abnormal Psychology. If the phrase "love is a drug" has any basis in fact, its sudden loss can be likened to going through drug withdrawal, and often involves the same harrowing set of symptoms: real physical pain, sleeplessness, anxiety, depression, hopelessness, loss of motivation, and thoughts of suicide. If you have constant thoughts of suicide, it's important that you talk to a doctor or call a crisis line immediately.

After 16 years, Dona Blanchard* still recalls the sleepless night she spent after her first painful breakup at age 24. The end of the relationship came during the holidays, and instead of celebrating with friends, she spent Christmas at home weeping. Instead of commiserating with her, some friends were impatient for her to get over the loss of her three-year relationship and enjoy the holidays with them.

"I cried the whole holiday season. I wanted to kill myself. It was really like I was losing an arm," she says. "But a lot of my friends didn't know how deep the relationship was. It seemed like people really didn't care that much. They said to me, 'That's okay. You'll get over it.' "

Others interviewed echoed her experience, adding that recently divorced people are often treated with more understanding and compassion by their friends. "I remember so clearly the breakup of my deepest relationship," says one woman. "We had been in love for five years, and I was so depressed I felt suicidal. Yet in the first week of the breakup, friends were already inviting me to come to parties and 'meet some cute guy.' I felt like I was in an insane asylum. I truly believe that if my sweetheart and I had been married, people would have taken my feelings more seriously."

People who are depressed not only feel sad, they are usually contending with a persistent sense of hopelessness and lethargy. The ability to concentrate and make decisions wanes, along with interest in eating or going out with friends. When emotional exhaustion sets in, even thinking of activities that might distract them is beyond the scope of most people suffering from depression.

When Jack Anderson* moved to California from Ohio to be with a woman he'd been with since college, he thought they'd be together forever. But when she revealed she was seeing someone else, he was devastated. It was like his body shut down. He couldn't sleep well and felt so unmotivated and lethargic that his dinners soon consisted of beans eaten straight from a can. "That's all I had the energy to do," he says.

What can I do to break out of my depression?

If, after two months, you feel as rotten as you did the first week you broke up, or if your mood is affecting your work or making it difficult to take care of yourself or your family, it's a sign you may be suffering from a clinical depression. In this case, you should consider consulting a psychologist, marriage and family therapist, or psychiatrist who can help you determine if you have a mood disorder that can be treated with therapy and/or antidepressant medications.

Talking to your doctor or a counselor can also help speed the healing process. Depression is a serious disease that can be treated with a variety of drugs, but you might find the best help comes from combining them with some type of individual or group therapy that can help you cope with your feelings.

Cognitive behavioral therapy and interpersonal therapy are two types of therapy that have been shown to help people recover from depression; others may find regular psychotherapy helpful. In part, cognitive behavioral therapy consists of changing negative ways of thinking: Healing from a breakup, in part, requires that you not give into obsessive thoughts about the loved one, and that you not rehearse over and over again what went wrong in the relationship. Some therapists also suggest relaxation techniques or other behavior modification tools that may help you overcome symptoms of distress.

Therapists may also suggest you see a physician who can prescribe antidepressants, while some may suggest herbal supplements. The effectiveness of herbal remedies is still a matter of debate, however. Although a review of 23 German studies concluded that St. John's wort, long considered useful in maintaining emotional health, can combat minor bouts of depression as successfully as some antidepressants, a major study published by the National Center for Complementary and Alternative Medicine, the Office of Dietary Supplements, and the National Institute of Mental Health found it to be no more effective than a placebo. Always consult with your doctor before taking herbal supplements because they can interact adversely with other medications, including antidepressants. (Note: never combine herbal antidepressants with antidepressant drugs; the combination can be extremely dangerous. Also, don't take St. John's wort if you're using HIV drugs or organ transplant medications.)

Though the temptation to brood may be overwhelming, try not to let yourself sink into apathy and a lethargic state of mind. It can undermine your self-esteem and exacerbate a downward emotional spiral. Keeping to a schedule of seeing friends or exercising will help fill your time while your heart heals.

As you begin to heal, you may also want to consider the following strategies. They can help you pick yourself up and dust yourself off, even if you're not ready to start all over again.

•Find time to exercise. Studies have shown that getting at least 30 minutes of exercise at least three times a week can lift your mood as much as taking certain antidepressants. Exercise raises the levels of serotonin, the brain chemical that boosts feelings of well-being. (For more information, see Exercise and Depression.) Joining a group of hikers or tennis players will also get you out of the home, where you're more likely to brood.
•Reach out. Isolation can exacerbate depression. Whether it's your family, a formal support group for those going through a breakup or divorce, an informal network of sympathetic friends, a church or synagogue, reaching out to others is crucial in rebuilding your life. Schedule plenty of coffees and lunches with your supportive friends. If you haven't made a new friend in a while, you can use the gym or your local bookstore to find companions.
•Watch what you eat and drink. If you're the type of person who doesn't eat or binges when you're depressed, you shouldn't use this time to embark on a diet or go overboard eating chocolate for dinner. Your body as well as your mind will need healing. Try to keep up with vitamins and supplements that you normally take. Eat the foods that maintain your energy, including fruits and vegetables.

Several natural remedies are thought to boost serotonin levels in the brain and help stabilize your mood, including omega-3 essential fatty acids. According to Harvard psychopharmacologist Andrew Stoll, omega-3 fatty acids, which are found naturally in fatty fishes like salmon, play a significant role in healthy brain function and seem to have a preventative or mitigating effect on both depression and bipolar disorder. You can also get your omega-3 fatty acids courtesy of seafood, but you need to eat fish several times a week to get the full benefit. Taking fish oil or flaxseed oil supplements containing omega-3s is another option.

Although you might be tempted to dull the pain of losing someone with alcohol, consider the effect it will have on your energy level, mental state, and antidepressants you may be taking. It might be healthy to drink moderately (up to two drinks a day for men, up to one drink a day for women), but try not to overdo it. Since alcohol is a depressant, too much of it may depress you further. And remember that with some medications, you shouldn't drink at all. When in doubt, ask your physician.

•If you're healed up enough to venture out of your routine, consider taking a class or otherwise nurturing your creativity. A major life change is an opportunity for reevaluation. If there's something you've always wanted to learn how to do now is the perfect time to try. Universities, dance studios, and community colleges are good places to find literature, painting, language, sports, writing, and music classes.

Creative activities can be outlets for emotions that we don't know how to express in other ways. Some researchers also believe that brain patterns change and serotonin levels may increase when you're painting, playing music, or engaging in other types of art. Writing in a journal can be not only creative, it can help you get feelings of anger and hurt out. Keeping them inside only adds to depression.

•Volunteer. Many people forget about giving to the larger community when they're in a relationship. But community services that involve interacting with others or creating a product that helps others is a good way to restore your faith in humanity. They're also a good way to find new friends.
•Consider a change of scene. Never underestimate the power of an adventurous vacation. Traveling, whether it's to a town just a few hours away or to a different continent, can help you focus on your immediate surroundings and less on the past.

But because traveling alone can sometimes reinforce feelings of isolation, especially if you're in a country where the language is strange to you, you might want to travel in a group or book a vacation that involves activities with other people.

It's probably not a good idea to make any major life changes at this time. This is not the time to suddenly change your job, or move to another city or state. Give yourself some time to adjust to this new state of being before embarking on another big change in your life.

In other words, take care of yourself.

A year after he broke up with his girlfriend, Anderson found a new job and returned to Ohio. And although he and his girlfriend continued to talk by telephone after his return, he was able to concentrate on his new surroundings and resolve his feelings. "There's still a strong sadness," he says. "I still question the things that led up to the breakup, but I don't question the breakup itself."

For Blanchard, it has taken years for the pain to go away. She coped by developing her career as a writer and eventually, she married someone else. Even though she still thinks of her former boyfriend occasionally, she now believes the relationship would never have worked. "I still love him," she says. "But it's a long mourning process. It just has to run its course."

-- Melanie Haiken, M.A., is the former health editor of Parenting magazine. An independent journalist specializing in health, business, and parenting issues, she has served as managing editor of BabyCenter and the San Francisco magazine and executive editor of an Industry Standard magazine, and has written for Time Inc. Health, The Washington Post, and many other publications.

•These names have been changed.
. Different Locations

Every relationship has an end. But though we all know this little grain of truth, it does not lessen the pain when you have to say goodbye to someone or to a relationship.

Becoming depressed after a break up is but normal. In fact, only the insane can stay happy after such a devastating blow! Who would not be sad when the relationship that you have nurtured for so long ends? In a break-up, you are not only losing someone you love, you are also losing the sense of being a couple. There will also be the constant reminders of friends and acquaintances who have been used to seeing you together.

This is perhaps the wrong perception that people should try to change. It is normal to cry when you have gone through a break-up. It is normal to feel sad, to want to mope around and just stay in bed and eat ice cream all day. It is normal to reminisce on the days that you have shared together and remember the happy times. It is normal… up to a certain period.

If you have been depressed for years now, then that is not something that you should still consider normal. People need time to cope with their emotions. They need time to heal and to make sense of what has so suddenly changed in their lives. They need time to pick up the pieces of their lives and gather the broken pieces of their heart once again. But hearts do not remain broken. People do recover from a failed relationship. They move on. They live and love again. If, however, you have not recovered for months now and it is starting to affect your professional and social life, then it is time to rid yourself of the thought that it is normal and then call a psychologist immediately. You might be dealing with a full-blown depression or if not, on the verge of doing so.

Teenagers are especially vulnerable to depression after a break up perhaps because in addition to coping with the stress of a failed relationship, they are also going through a lot of changes in their lives. Teenagers are also more emotional and less able to handle their feelings well. This inference was supported by a clinical study that was published in 1999 in the Journal of Abnormal Psychology. The study found out that one out of five teenagers suffers from depression after a break-up.

Teeners who have had relationships in the past are also more likely to suffer from depression than people who never had any relationships at all.

Among the symptoms that depressed people experience are inability to sleep, anxiety over a lot of things, excessive worrying, inability to concentrate, lack of appetite, feelings of hopelessness, loss of motivation, and deep sadness. Some people will even have suicidal thoughts although only a few would actually kill themselves. These people will suddenly lose their interest in things and in their work. They will stop doing the things that they usually do. They will stop doing the things that they used to love doing. They will even stop hanging out or talking with friends.

Usually, doctors give people who have gone through a breakup two months to cope with the situation. If after two months, they are still not over the break-up and has not yet recovered, it is best that they consult a psychologist. If psychologists make them feel awkward, they can always call telephone crisis lines or call their friends for some counseling sessions. Joining online community groups that are composed of people who are also suffering from the same dilemma can also help you heal.

Talking it out is the best way to help people heal after a breakup. This is the time when you need the support of your friends and your family. Finding a diversion can also help a lot. In fact, people who have gone through break-ups would immediately start a new hobby or enroll in a new class. Learning something new can fill up your time and will be a great way to also forget what happened. What is more, starting a new hobby can also help you meet new friends and perhaps a new love.

Why is it that the women you know tell you they want a "nice guy," but it's the smooth player who gets their number while you stay home weekends watching bad cable TV? You're a nice guy. Lots of women have told you so. Of course, it's in the form of, "You're a nice guy, but..." Do women want nice guys or not? The answer is yes, they do. But the simple reason that they often date the "player" is because these guys actually ASK THEM OUT. They don't just sit on the bench: they get in the game. They know that while a batting average of .300 is a really good thing, it means that they will still strike out over 2/3 of the time, but they take their swing anyway. This confidence is very attractive to women. It's not that women want nice guys to become "players," but they would love it if you would get in the game.

Most nice guys are trying to respect a woman's feelings and her space. They don't want to come on too strong. They do want to acknowledge her strength and independence. But sometimes in being "nice," they sabotage their chances. It's the "Halfway Theory." Nice guys assume the woman will meet them halfway. That way, she still has control and feels empowered. That's nice, but it's wrong. You will not make yourself attractive to a woman by pursuing her only halfway. Think about it: if Sammy Sosa got up to the plate, hit the ball and then ran only HALFWAY to first base, he'd be out. And if he didn't even try to swing at the ball at all, he'd also end up back on the bench. Articles on MarsVenus.com, explain the fact that most men don't realize the power they have to win a woman over. Your attraction and interest in her will make her more interested in and attracted to you. This is why halfway is not far enough. We surveyed women in our office about the things nice guys do that don't quite connect and came up with four tips to help a nice guy make contact—all you have to do is take that swing:

1. Don't sweat the "etiquette"

You've always been taught "Ladies first," and so there you are waiting for a signal before approaching and making your move. For some guys, it can be as small and subtle as a quick smile; others need the equivalent of a sledgehammer over the head but whichever category you fall into, you may be waiting forever so Do make the first move. If you are attracted to a woman, making that move will make you more attractive to her. Our research shows whenever a man does something to make a woman feel special, in her eyes he becomes more attractive.

2. Don't play it cool

Now you're probably thinking, "But I don't want her to feel like I'm hitting on her. I don't want her to think I am trying to pick her up." You do want her to think you are hitting on her. If she thinks you are just being polite or friendly, then she will not see you as a romantic prospect. So, do express your interest. This doesn't mean some tired line like, "Hey baby, what's your sign?" Ask her questions about herself. Find out about common interests. Listen to her instead of talking about you. Again, your interest in her will fuel her attraction to you.

3. Don't compliment clothing

Compliments can be a good icebreaker—if they are done right. One of the women at in our office recounted that she was grocery shopping after work and a guy came up to her and said "Nice jacket." She looked at him like he was from Mars (which he was) and muttered "Thanks" and continued shopping. It didn't occur to her until much later that he was trying to make contact with her because he was attracted to her. She thought he was interested in her jacket. So remember, do compliment the woman. Had this guy said, "That jacket looks great on YOU" or "YOU look nice in that jacket," she would have understood his intention.

4. Don't hand a woman your business card

You give a woman your business card because you are trying to be respectful and considerate. Let her feel empowered. "Give me a call if you're interested." This can backfire because then a woman interprets this as you wanting to be pursued. It makes her feel as if she isn't attractive enough to you for you to pursue her. So instead, do ask for her card/number. She might say "no," which could mean she's uncomfortable giving out her number or she's not interested. But if she is somewhat interested, the act of asking for her number is likely to increase her attraction to you. After you've make that move, then giving her your card will more likely be interpreted correctly.

Nice Guys Don't Have to Finish Last - Part 2

In our last article we explored some of the things nice guys do that, although they feel they are being respectful towards women and their feelings, can backfire and hurt their chances of getting in the game. The problem can be summed up by the "Halfway Theory," which comes into play when nice guys expect to be met halfway by the woman, to give her control and empower her. Our dating articles explain how most men don't realize the incredible power they have to sweep a woman off her feet. The secret of "players" is that their confidence and interest is attractive to women.

Don't ask her out halfway

Again, not wanting to pressure the woman or come on too strong, you say something like "Hey, maybe we could catch a movie some time" or "Let's get together for lunch." This leaves the ball in her court and then she's forced to pursue you. Her attraction to you diminishes because you are not showing anything but casual interest in her so do make specific plans. Instead of "Maybe we could catch a movie sometime," try "There's a Cary Grant retrospective playing downtown next week. Would you like to go with me?" or " This great new Italian place opened near work. Could I take you there sometime next week?" If you must test the waters with the vague "Maybe we could get together sometime," be sure to FOLLOW-UP with a specific plan immediately.

So if you say, "Maybe we could catch a movie sometime" and she says "That sounds great," immediately come up with a specific plan as in, "There's a Cary Grant retrospective playing downtown next week. Would you like to go?" Woman love the confidence of a man with a plan.

Number 10
She is self-centered
To a bitch, the only person in the world of any importance is herself. Others are merely warm bodies who get in the way of her selfish pursuits. She is the only person affected by a tragedy. The only feelings worth considering are hers. A bitch is so obsessed with herself that she would rather get a manicure than visit your father in the hospital.

No one should have to tolerate this kind of superiority complex -- especially a good man, who tends to be the preferred victim of the bitch.
Number 9
She criticizes everything about you
Shaming is a common tactic women use to control their men. The bitch takes this to the extreme. By making you feel inadequate in every domain, she hopes to make you lose your self-confidence, then rely on her to do things "right." Nothing is good enough for her, and you are the only one, aside from her bitch friends, who actually listens. So she nags about everything you say and do.
Number 8
She's cold-hearted
A bitch is typically amoral, adhering minimally to the ethical codes of society while transgressing those that are inconvenient to her. She dismisses civility for her own gains. She's manipulative and scheming, always looking for underhanded ways of taking advantage of people or even hurting them. And as proof that she lacks a woman's gentle soul, she never cries or shows soft emotion.
Number 7
She expects to be treated like a queen
A bitch is usually a spoiled brat who simply refuses to grow up. She was pampered and adored as a child, and typically given anything she asked for. As an adult, she still thinks she is entitled to everything. She consistently expects car rides, gifts and attention from you. She makes constant demands of people, and never listens to their requests. There is no fixing such a person; it's programmed into her. Only by being denied several times will she begin to get a clue.
Number 6
She slights you in bed
You want to know just how heartless such a woman can be? Not only does she not appreciate all the effort you put into pleasing her sexually, she also has the gall to ridicule you. But she'll pick the oddest times to do so, such as during an unrelated argument or just randomly in passing. This could be a cruel comment about your size, stamina or technique. More grating still is the fact that she would go crazy if you were to reciprocate the slur.

If she treats people like trash, bosses you around and embarrasses you in public, you know what you have to do...
Number 5
She treats people like trash
As someone who believes luxury treatment is owed to her, a bitch has no respect for those who do things for her. She's rude to people who work in the service industry, such as waiters and clerks, seeing them not as human beings, but as robots who exist solely to serve her. She talks at them -- not to them.

She has no compassion for people in need, such as the poor or the sick. "It's their own fault," she'll tell herself and others. More sickening still, she's mean to children, as they are a nuisance and can't do anything for her. And since her existence dwells on envy, she constantly badmouths other women over trivial things, such as their earrings or the way they speak.
Number 4
She never pays
As she thinks that it is the duty of others to provide for her, the bitch is a tightwad. On dates she always selects expensive restaurants and orders the priciest dish and drink, but never offers to pay. She won't pitch in for gas on trips or for food at a get-together. She buys crappy gifts for others, when she can be bothered, usually expecting you to pay for them. And if you mention any of these things, she'll accuse you of being cheap!
Number 3
She bosses you around
A bitch's massive superiority complex makes her think people are born to be her servants, especially her boyfriend. As someone who spends a lot of his time with her, she uses you to do all the menial tasks that she doesn't want to. Sometimes she'll even boss you around for the power trip -- just because she can.
Number 2
She embarrasses you in public
A bitch cares nothing about the feelings of others, not even those of the hapless sap she may be dating. In fact, she uses her man as a punching bag. Sometimes she even berates him in front of his friends, or even hers. She does this either as a power trip, to show others she can, or simply to beat a man's self-worth down to her own level -- after all, misery loves company.
Number 1
She flirts with other men
This is the most intolerable trait of a bitch, which many men sadly tolerate. She'll tease and allure other men right in front of you, never once considering how you may feel about it. There are no bounds to her search for attention and admiration. And to top it off, she'll wheedle whatever feelings of jealousy she can from you by comparing you to other men.
ditch the bitch
It's a strange phenomenon of life. So many good men somehow end up with the cold, abusive woman I just described. They may think they can help her, or even more tragically, they may believe they can't do any better. But no man should have to put up with someone who treats him like a pest.

We all know that cheating is probably one of the worst things that can happen in a relationship, so it seems logical that it would be the hardest to forgive. When infidelity rears its ugly head, trust is lost, pain is inflicted, and a heart is broken. Self-esteem...out the window, self-confidence...gone...confusion and pain have taken their place. The fact that the question, "how can cheating be forgiven," has been asked, perhaps means that a second chance might be considered. If this is so you have an up hill battle and you must realize that it doesn't happen overnight. You are in it for the long haul and must decide how this relationship can survive.

Forgiveness can happen and couples do get back together again, even after cheating. Your partner must convince you that it was a horrible mistake, and regrets it. Completely breaking off the affair with no more contact is the first thing to be done. A sincere apology, along with a promise that it will never happen again is absolutely needed. To be mistrusting is natural because of all that you have been put through. Trust will once again have to be earned and rebuilt. How can cheating be forgiven if the trust isn't there?

Is reconciliation truly deserved? This is one of the things you must figure out. Think this out thoroughly, and give yourself a lot of time to do it. Get advice from well wishing friends and family. Read articles related to this issue and if you feel counseling might help...get it. These are a few of the things that might be considered, if you do decide a second chance is warranted.

* Make your decision with a cool head and only after you have given yourself a lot of space away from your partner.
* Accept an apology when you feel your partner is truly repentant and remorseful.
* They must make you believe that their behavior has changed and that they will be squeaky clean.
* Do not accept an excuse for their cheating...Remorse is the key to forgiveness not an excuse.
* Forgiveness does not mean approval of the affair nor does it not mean that it will be forgotten. In fact it very likely will come out in arguments.
* They must understand that their actions have made you very angry and it will take a lot of patience and time for healing.
* Most importantly do you love this person enough for forgiveness and can you actually do it.

Are you still asking the question "how can cheating be forgiven"? If so, know that this whole process will not be easy, but if persistent, it can well be worth the effort. And truly, won't it be better in the long run? If you do nothing you may regret it for the rest of your life.

Cheating boyfriends are not a new phenomenon in today's world and a lot of signs exist that could point out their cheating ways, which you shouldn't ignore in the slightest. Since you have found this article and are reading it, it is safe to assume that you have doubts about your own boyfriend and may suspect him of cheating. It really wouldn't be too surprising if he is, though. A whopping 70% of women suspect their boyfriends of being cheaters, so it is a common fear. To discover if you bagged yourself a guy who is one of these cheating boyfriends, however, keep reading.

There are several ways you can tell if you have a cheater in your midst: your guts could warn you, he could get angry every time you ask him something or he keeps coming up with strange excuses. However, although there is a high chance that this means your guy is one of the cheating boyfriends out there; you still need to get real evidence.

One huge reason why boyfriends cheat on their lovers is due to the ease that comes with today's society. There may be sure signs that out there, which cheating boyfriends unintentionally leave that may discover on your own, but this does not mean that every sign will be blatantly available for you to find. Women need to be vigilant when it comes to their relationships. Close attention must also be paid to the signals that we will provide you. It will definitely help to fully understand the male mind, along with their reasons for cheating, but the necessity would be to find ultimate proof on cheating boyfriends.

There are several silly things guys do in a relationship which makes a girl either want to leave them completely or just cheat on them either to get revenge or satisfy their emotions. You see in most cases men end up forcing girls to cheat on them in one way or the other. Of course we have exceptions where some girls are just simply addicted to cheating but these are just exceptional cases, we are talking about girls in general who end up cheating. Read on to discover why they cheat and what you can do to protect yourself before it happens to you...

No one wants a needy desperate man- Anything which is negative or has a negative influence women want to run away from it. You see when you act desperate, needy and miserable you are forcing her to go away or you have emotionally pushing her away as you are giving her a lot of pain by being needy and this is something she can not put up in with in the long term.

Learn to admit to your mistakes- Often in a relationship the male isn't willing to admit to his mistakes and often ends up blaming her lover or wife even for his own mistakes. Do you know that all it takes is a simple sorry to really solve the issues? Sometimes even small issues end up into big arguments and this is where just to take emotional revenge she might end up cheating on you.

Keep her satisfied in bed- Sex is something which is the biggest cause of cheating in several relationships. You see this is the reason why it becomes extremely important to have an active sex life and make sure you give her what she really wants in bed.