Dating & Relationships

Children and Divorce Helping kids cope with separation and divorce Children & Separation or Divorce For children, divorce can be stressful, sad, and confusing. At any age, kids may feel uncertain or angry at the prospect of mom and dad splitting up. As a parent, you can make the process and its effects less painful for your children. Helping your kids cope with divorce means providing stability in your home and attending to your children’s needs with a reassuring, positive attitude. It won’t be a seamless process, but these tips can help your children cope. In This Article: Supporting your child What to tell your kids Listen and offer reassurance Provide stability and structure Take care of yourself Work with your ex Know when to seek help As a parent, it’s normal to feel uncertain about how to give your children the right support through your divorce or separation. It may be uncharted territory, but you can successfully navigate this unsettling time—and help your kids emerge from it feeling loved, confident, and strong. There are many ways you can help your kids adjust to separation or divorce. Your patience, reassurance, and listening ear can minimize tension as children learn to cope with new circumstances. By providing routines kids can rely on, you remind children they can count on you for stability, structure, and care. And if you can maintain a working relationship with your ex, you can help kids avoid the stress that comes with watching parents in conflict. Such a transitional time can’t be without some measure of hardship, but you can powerfully reduce your children’s pain by making their well-being your top priority. What I need from my mom and dad: A child’s list of wants I need both of you to stay involved in my life. Please write letters, make phone calls, and ask me lots of questions. When you don’t stay involved, I feel like I’m not important and that you don’t really love me. Please stop fighting and work hard to get along with each other. Try to agree on matters related to me. When you fight about me, I think that I did something wrong and I feel guilty. I want to love you both and enjoy the time that I spend with each of you. Please support me and the time that I spend with each of you. If you act jealous or upset, I feel like I need to take sides and love one parent more than the other. Please communicate directly with my other parent so that I don’t have to send messages back and forth. When talking about my other parent, please say only nice things, or don’t say anything at all. When you say mean, unkind things about my other parent, I feel like you are expecting me to take your side. Please remember that I want both of you to be a part of my life. I count on my mom and dad to raise me, to teach me what is important, and to help me when I have problems. Source: University of Missouri Helping children cope with divorce: What to tell your kids When it comes to telling your kids about your divorce, many parents freeze up. Make the conversation a little easier on both yourself and your children by preparing significantly before you sit down to talk. If you can anticipate tough questions, deal with your own anxieties ahead of time, and plan carefully what you’ll be telling them, you will be better equipped to help your children handle the news. What to say and how to say it Difficult as it may be to do, try to strike an empathetic tone and address the most important points right up front. Give your children the benefit of an honest—but kid-friendly—explanation. Tell the truth. Your kids are entitled to know why you are getting a divorce, but long-winded reasons may only confuse them. Pick something simple and honest, like “We can’t get along anymore.” You may need to remind your children that while sometimes parents and kids don't always get along, parents and kids don't stop loving each other or get divorced from each other. Say “I love you.” However simple it may sound, letting your children know that your love for them hasn’t changed is a powerful message. Tell them you’ll still be caring for them in every way, from fixing their breakfast to helping with homework. Address changes. Preempt your kids’ questions about changes in their lives by acknowledging that some things will be different now, and other things won’t. Let them know that together you can deal with each detail as you go. Avoid blaming It’s vital to be honest with your kids, but without being critical of your spouse. This can be especially difficult when there have been hurtful events, such as infidelity, but with a little diplomacy, you can avoid playing the blame game. Present a united front. As much as you can, try to agree in advance on an explanation for your separation or divorce—and stick to it. Plan your conversations. Make plans to talk with your children before any changes in the living arrangements occur. And plan to talk when your spouse is present, if possible. Show restraint. Be respectful of your spouse when giving the reasons for the separation. How much information to give Especially at the beginning of your separation or divorce, you’ll need to pick and choose how much to tell your children. Think carefully about how certain information will affect them. Be age-aware. In general, younger children need less detail and will do better with a simple explanation, while older kids may need more information. Share logistical information. Do tell kids about changes in their living arrangements, school, or activities, but don’t overwhelm them with the details. Keep it real. No matter how much or how little you decide to tell your kids, remember that the information should be truthful above all else. Helping children cope with divorce: Listen and reassure Support your children by helping them express emotions, and commit to truly listening to these feelings without getting defensive. Your next job is reassurance—assuaging fears, straightening misunderstandings, and showing your unconditional love. The bottom line: kids need to know that your divorce isn’t their fault. Help kids express feelings For kids, divorce can feel like loss: the loss of a parent, the loss of the life they know. You can help your children grieve and adjust to new circumstances by supporting their feelings. Listen. Encourage your child to share their feelings and really listen to them. They may be feeling sadness, loss or frustration about things you may not have expected. Help them find words for their feelings. It’s normal for children to have difficulty expressing their feelings. You can help them by noticing their moods and encouraging them to talk. Let them be honest. Children might be reluctant to share their true feelings for fear of hurting you. Let them know that whatever they say is okay. If they aren’t able to share their honest feelings, they will have a harder time working through them. Acknowledge their feelings. You may not be able to fix their problems or change their sadness to happiness, but it is important for you to acknowledge their feelings rather than dismissing them. You can also inspire trust by showing that you understand. Clearing up misunderstandings Many kids believe that they had something to do with the divorce, recalling times they argued with their parents, received poor grades, or got in trouble. You can help your kids let go of this misconception. Set the record straight. Repeat why you decided to get a divorce. Sometimes hearing the real reason for your decision can help. Be patient. Kids may seem to “get it” one day and be unsure the next. Treat your child’s confusion or misunderstandings with patience. Reassure. As often as you need to, remind your children that both parents will continue to love them and that they are not responsible for the divorce. Give reassurance and love Children have a remarkable ability to heal when given the support and love they need. Your words, actions, and ability to remain consistent are all important tools to reassure your children of your unchanging love. Both parents will be there. Let your kids know that even though the physical circumstances of the family unit will change, they can continue to have healthy, loving relationships with both of their parents. It’ll be okay. Tell kids that things won’t always be easy, but that they will work out. Knowing it’ll be all right can provide incentive for your kids to give a new situation a chance. Closeness. Physical closeness—in the form of hugs, pats on the shoulder, or simple proximity—has a powerful way of reassuring your child of your love. Be honest. When kids raise concerns or anxieties, respond truthfully. If you don’t know the answer, say gently that you aren’t sure right now, but you’ll find out and it will be okay. Helping children cope with divorce: Provide stability and structure Helping children cope with divorceWhile it’s good for kids to learn to be flexible, adjusting to many new things at once can be very difficult. Help your kids adjust to change by providing as much stability and structure as possible in their daily lives. Remember that establishing structure and continuity doesn’t mean that you need rigid schedules or that mom and dad’s routines need to be exactly the same. But creating some regular routines at each household and consistently communicating to your children what to expect will provide your kids with a sense of calm and stability. The comfort of routines The benefit of schedules and organization for younger children is widely recognized, but many people don’t realize that older children appreciate routine, as well. Kids feel safer and more secure when they know what to expect next. Knowing that, even when they switch homes, dinnertime is followed by a bath and then homework, for example, can set a child’s mind at ease. Maintaining routine also means continuing to observe rules, rewards, and discipline with your children. Resist the temptation to spoil kids during a divorce by not enforcing limits or allowing them to break rules. Helping children cope with divorce: Take care of yourself Need More Help with DepressionNeed More Help with Divorce? Helpguide's Bring Your Life into Balance mindfulness toolkit can help. The first safety instruction for an airplane emergency is to put the oxygen mask on yourself before you put it on your child. The take-home message: take care of yourself so that you can be there for your kids. Your own recovery If you are able to be calm and emotionally present, your kids will feel more at ease. The following are steps you can take toward improving your own well-being and outlook: Exercise often and eat a healthy diet. Exercise relieves the pent-up stress and frustration that are commonplace with divorce. And although cooking for one can be difficult, eating healthfully will make you feel better, inside and out—so skip the fast food. See friends often. It may be tempting to hole up and not see friends and family who will inevitably ask about the divorce—but the reality is that you need the distraction. Ask friends to avoid the topic; they’ll understand. Keep a journal. Writing down your feelings, thoughts, and moods can help you release tension, sadness, and anger. As time passes, you can look back on just how far you’ve come. You’ll need support At the very least, divorce is complicated and stressful—and can be devastating without support. Lean on friends. Talk to friends or a support group about your bitterness, anger, frustration—whatever the feeling may be—so you don’t take it out on your kids. Never vent negative feelings to your child. Whatever you do, do not use your child to talk it out like you would with a friend. Keep laughing. Try to inject humor and play into your life and the lives of your children as much as you can; it can relieve stress and give you all a break from sadness and anger. See a therapist. If you are feeling intense anger, fear, grief, shame, or guilt, find a professional to help you work through those feelings. Helping children cope with divorce: Work with your ex Struggling to make joint custody work? See Tips for Divorced Parents Conflict between parents—separated or not—can be very damaging for kids. It’s crucial to avoid putting your children in the middle of your fights, or making them feel like they have to choose between you. Rules of thumb Remember that your goal is to avoid lasting stress and pain for your children. The following tips can save them a lot of heartache. Take it somewhere else. Never argue in front of your children, whether it’s in person or over the phone. Ask your ex to talk another time, or drop the conversation altogether. Use tact. Refrain from talking with your children about details of their other parent’s behavior. It’s the oldest rule in the book: if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all. Be nice. Be polite in your interactions with your ex-spouse. This not only sets a good example for your kids but can also cause your ex to be gracious in response. Look on the bright side. Choose to focus on the strengths of all family members. Encourage children to do the same. Work on it. Make it a priority to develop an amicable relationship with your ex-spouse as soon as possible. Watching you be friendly can reassure children and teach problem-solving skills as well. The big picture If you find yourself, time after time, locked in battle with your ex over the details of parenting, try to step back and remember the bigger purpose at hand. Relationship with both parents. What’s best for your kids in the long run? Having a good relationship with both of their parents throughout their lives. The long view. If you can keep long-term goals—your children’s physical and mental health, your independence—in mind, you may be able to avoid disagreements about daily details. Think ahead in order to stay calm. Everyone’s well-being. The happiness of your children, yourself, and, yes, even your ex, should be the broad brushstrokes in the big picture of your new lives after divorce. Helping children cope with divorce: Know when to seek help Some children go through divorce with relatively few problems, while others have a very difficult time. It’s normal for kids to feel a range of difficult emotions, but time, love, and reassurance should help them to heal. If your kids remain overwhelmed, though, you may need to seek professional help. Normal reactions to separation and divorce Although strong feelings can be tough on kids, the following reactions can be considered normal for children. Anger. Your kids may express their anger, rage, and resentment with you and your spouse for destroying their sense of normalcy. Anxiety. It’s natural for children to feel anxious when faced with big changes in their lives. Mild depression. Sadness about the family’s new situation is normal, and sadness coupled with a sense of hopelessness and helplessness is likely to become a mild form of depression. It will take some time for your kids to work through their issues about the separation or divorce, but you should see gradual improvement over time. Red flags for more serious problems If things get worse rather than better after several months, it may be a sign that your child is stuck in depression, anxiety, or anger and could use some additional support. Watch for these warning signs of divorce-related depression or anxiety: Sleep problems Poor concentration Trouble at school Drug or alcohol abuse Self-injury, cutting, or eating disorders Frequent angry or violent outbursts Withdrawal from loved ones Refusal of loved activities Discuss these or other divorce-related warning-signs with your child’s doctor, teachers, or consult a child therapist for guidance on coping with specific problems.

The writing is on the wall: Your marriage is ending and the fallout of your once-blissful relationship will leave some painful and visible scars. Divorce is inevitable, and if you think the process is going to get nasty, it's time to prepare for the worst and get your finances in order to mitigate any collateral (literally) damage. Here are some tips to financially prepare for divorce and make sure you survive without any permanent monetary scars. Get an attorney It might cost you a couple of thousand dollars for a retainer, but hire an attorney as soon as you can when you are trying to financially prepare for divorce. You do not necessarily have to strike first and serve papers, but you want some assistance in beginning correspondence with your future ex-spouse and some help putting things in writing. For instance, your joint credit card or home equity line: As long as you are married and both names are on the account, the liabilities of those credit lines are split 50/50. The creditor could care less if your ex spent $5,000 on her girls' shopping trip to spite you or get you steamed -- you are responsible for half of it. However, if you have a documented, certified communication to your ex from your attorney, in a nasty settlement proceeding the judge may award you damages in your favor. It may not directly get you off the hook from the creditor, but it can’t hurt. At the very least, your attorney can help advise you on the entire situation -- he has likely seen every imaginable divorce situation. Get financially up-to-date You may hate talking to your spouse about anything, much less something as sensitive as finances, but now (more than ever) you need to be fully aware of the complete financial situation at hand. You need to understand all of your outstanding debts -- not just what the two of you have jointly, but also individually. With the assistance of your attorney, ask for a full disclosure of all financial records and accounts. You want to understand the full picture as it pertains to credit card accounts, home equity lines and even other items such as past IRS taxes, student loans, business debts, and department store charge cards to avoid any unforeseen surprises. You should also be prepared to disclose your full financial position. Get your own accounts Once it is certain that divorce is inevitable, in order to financially prepare yourself you should immediately begin establishing your own accounts that are only in your name. This includes checking, credit cards, savings, retirement, and even things like car insurance. You should start routing all of your deposits and paychecks through this account. Any asset account with both of your names listed will potentially be split 50/50, and you may not be so fond of your spouse using your money to pay off her credit cards and attorney fees. Sort out mortgage/rent payments If you have purchased a home together or are both on the lease of your current domicile, you need to take this issue under strong consideration when you financially prepare for divorce. The creditors expect the payments to be made regardless of your personal situation. You may want to move out as soon as you see this relationship is toast, but doing so may hurt your claim to the home and, again, you are still responsible for at least 50% of the mortgage payments. In some cases, the two spouses can come to an arrangement about who keeps the house and what concessions are to be made. However, more often than not, a sale of the home can be mandated by the judge to make the settlement process simpler and cleaner. There are a few more things you need to remember when you financially prepare for divorce.. Share Email Print RSS Pages: 12 Prepare For Divorce iStockphoto.com You do not want to be in a worst-case scenario where your spouse is living in your old home and you are still paying the bills. If you are the primary breadwinner you should continue to make mortgage payments and enlist your attorney to keep records of these -- you will not want late payments or foreclosure to show up on your credit score (which will be very important in your newfound single life). Divorce proceedings can take months, and if you have been 100% footing the mortgage during that time, you can take the position that the settlement agreement reflects your contributions to the mortgage. Changes to the will If you have a will, this should immediately be discussed and adjusted based on the divorce settlement agreement when you financially prepare for divorce. It may not happen for many years, but imagine how you would be rolling over in your grave if your estate were passed to your ex-wife 40 years from now. You should have your attorney consider things about who would be the executor of the estate or, if you have children, how children from your current marriage may be treated when compared with possible children or stepchildren from a future marriage. There are often horror stories of the children from the first marriage being left with nothing as the second wife takes control and passes on the goods to her children. From a legal perspective, divorce is best when it is a clean break. So, to financially prepare for divorce, reviewing your estate plan, no matter how small, will help to avoid any gray areas down the road -- some of which may take years to surface. Child support If you have children, child support will absolutely be an issue when you financially prepare for divorce. Child support rules are established by each state, but there are no formal rules. Basically, the state expects the parents to be able to come to an agreement that is equitable to the children and that does not affect their accustomed standard of living. That may not be reality, but the state will always put the children first. The state publishes guidelines based on your combined incomes and how many children you have, so that would be a starting place to review what is actually real when you financially prepare for divorce. If you won't have primary custody of the children, accept that you will be paying some form of child support. How much you pay is up to you and your spouse -- and your financial situation as it pertains to the children. If you and your spouse cannot find a common ground, you will be at the mercy of the court to make a recommendation based on the information presented by your attorneys. divorce dos and don'ts In a rocky relationship, divorce may seem like the quick and easy answer to personal liberation and an opportunity to start again. It may very well be just that (and it can be), but if you don't come to terms with the financial picture from the onset of divorce proceedings quickly, you may find yourself in a world of financial troubles for many months -- or even years -- to come. When it comes to financial planning and divorce, maintain your composure, get your records together and consider enlisting the help of qualified professionals. A definitive agreement now will save both you and your spouse a lot of financial and emotional pain down the road. It will also make it infinitely easier to establish your own life -- and even to get involved with someone else -- after the divorce.

Click Here! How to Catch a Cheating Spouse woman thinking How can I find out if my husband or wife, boyfriend or girlfriend is cheating on me? It can be very difficult to catch a cheating spouse. Understandably, most people do not know how to investigate a spouse. Tips, resources and advice to help you discover the truth can be found at the bottom of this page (take me there now). But, if you want to catch a cheater, it often helps to understand the nature of the problem at hand. Why is it so difficult to catch a cheating husband or wife? Catching a cheating partner is difficult because cheaters have an unfair advantage when it comes to infidelity. In fact, most infidelity goes undetected, or unproven, because the rules of the game tend to favor those who cheat. How does this work? Exploiting Trust Most people have a strong desire to believe what a partner has to say. Trusting a partner creates a sense of security and comfort. No one really wants to think that a spouse may be lying, especially when it comes to infidelity (see, love is blind). Rather than assume the worst, it's often easier to believe a "pleasant lie" than to acknowledge an "devastating truth." In fact, some people work very hard to overlook a spouse's infidelity, because to acknowledge the alternative is much too painful. This helps explain why the spouse is typically the last to know: Because knowing always causes a faithful spouse the most pain. And cheating spouses take advantage of this. Cheaters often exploit their partner's desire to trust by telling their partners exactly what they want to hear ("I would never cheat on you."). Signs of a Cheating Partner Cheating spouses not only exploit their partner’s desire to trust, but there are few hard and fast signs of infidelity. Cues of infidelity vary widely, from situation to situation, and from relationship to relationship; making it impossible to provide a list of behaviors that is useful with a high degree of accuracy. Though in hindsight, the warnings signs are ALWAYS obvious. In fact, there are so many "telltale" lists of infidelity cues that it is hard to know what to believe (see, signs of cheating). Given all the different lists that exist, it helps to keep the following in mind: Providing a list of the signs of cheating is often counterproductive. First, any given behavior is open to multiple interpretations. Does a spouse's sudden interest in losing weight signal infidelity? Or could it be due to some other reason? The explanation for any behavior is never as clear-cut as we would like to believe. Furthermore, looking for signs of infidelity tends to fuels one’s suspicion. For instance, does your spouse clear his or her call log after each call? Dwelling on such matters tends to make people more anxious and suspicious. And the way people generally handle their suspicion ends up helping a cheating spouse. Suspicion Tends to Help Cheaters woman cryingSuspicion is a very strong emotion and it's difficult to hide. Suspicious individuals tend to signal their doubts by making accusations, acting insecure and anxious, being overly inquisitive, and so on. And a cheating spouse’s worst fear is getting caught. So, cheating spouses constantly monitor their partners for signs of suspicion. And if a cheating spouse detects suspicion, he/she will adjust his/her behavior to better hide and conceal the affair. Simply speaking, suspicion tends to help cheaters cheat more effectively. If your spouse is cheating, and you signal your doubts and suspicions, it's going to be much more difficult to discover the truth (see, common mistakes). When you put it all together, cheaters have the advantage: Both, trust and suspicion, tend to work in their favor. So, how can you catch a cheating spouse? If you suspect infidelity, do not confront your spouse until you have proof. And while it is helpful to talk to partners about most relationship problems, this is NOT the case when it comes to infidelity. A cheating spouse will almost never admit to infidelity, unless presented with evidence to the contrary. Even when presented with evidence, some spouses continue to lie (see, husband won't confess). Along the same line, while there are many tactics that you can use to get a partner to be more truthful, these tactics fail to work when it comes to infidelity. Despite these problems, there are several practical methods for catching a cheating spouse. All of these methods rely on some form of surveillance and careful observation. And while these methods can raise some ethical issues (see, is it ethical to spy on a spouse), they also tend to be very effective. These methods allow you to establish proof of an affair. No matter what your situation might be, there is most likely a way to discover the truth. Click Here!

Soul Mates are an experience. You will find that throughout your life, you will have many, many opportunities to connect with, or link up with, those that you have had experiences with before. It may have been in other planes of existence, in other lives, or in many other ways. So yes, you could call many of these relationships soul mates.

When two people connect and have a feeling of familiarity or a sense that they are connected for some reason other than they can imagine or know with their minds, often it is because they have soul mate qualities. You can even make a new soul mate in this life if you choose. So, let us create clarity with this question of, "What is a soul mate?"

A soul mate is a person or a being that you have a connection with from a soul level. I'm defining soul connection as being of greater expression, greater desire, or greater connection than just the purpose of connecting in your physical body. Soul mates come in many expressions.

When you do connect with someone with whom you have created a soul agreement to come together--to acknowledge one another--it can be an easy experience. Or, it can be a difficult experience. It depends on what you both decide you want to co-create and why you both came together.

Sometimes soul mates come together to wake each other up. Sometimes that can be a painful experience. Sometimes soul mates come together because they have achieved great heights. They have manifested great awarenesses in previous lives and are coming together in this life to celebrate and to bring forth more light upon this planet.

You see, we also have soul-groups. I bet that you can recognize many people that are in your soul-group already. However, I get a feeling that this questioner has more personal love interests in mind.

Yes, you can connect with a person that has the qualities of a soul mate, and they can be a significant relationship in the love interest area. Yes, you can create a relationship that flows easily and effortlessly. In this relationship there may be an awareness that you perhaps have differences. There may also be a willingness to create a place to allow each other to have their individual expression without feeling that one's nature needs to react because of lack or scarcity. That will allow the relationship to flow.

You will find that when two people come together who are soul mates, they will have made an agreement to benefit each other and to help in each other's lives in some way. Through their compatibilities, you will usually find they have a spiritual connection as their primary attraction. Then it will blend on an emotional level, and then you will find the mental. The last level to be discovered between soul mates is often the physical connection. Sometimes there will be a spark placed there to create the attraction so that you may find each other again. We are in a body, yes!? Therefore, the physical cannot be left out.

Does true love really exist? You know, the kismet kind. The kind that envelopes two spirits before they’ve even met; the kind Shakespeare must have been writing about in Romeo and Juliet.

Does true love really exist? You know, the kismet kind. The kind that envelopes two spirits before they've even met; the kind Shakespeare must have been writing about in Romeo and Juliet; the kind that makes you give up everything familiar, moral, safe, to walk in the direction of destiny.

Though true love appears to be an under-researched topic, Dr. Dennis Neder, an ordained minister and doctor of metaphysics, does advise love has three phases: the infatuation stage, the bonding stage and the familiar stage. He says it helps to consider all three phases when trying to figure out whether or not it's the real thing.

But, if it's true love, does it warrant dissecting and breaking down into stages? Do you have to consider anything at all; or, is it just “so”?

One Discovery.com author wrote there are nine ways to tell if the love you have for your partner is the real thing:

1. You feel good.
2. You look forward to spending time with your partner.
3. You respect your partner.
4. You're interested in what your partner thinks.
5. You accept your partner's quirks.
6. You're able to work through your problems.
7. You feel safe. (You're not afraid of losing your partner.)
8. You can't explain why you're together.
9. You don't compare your partner to others.



“True love is when you care enough for another person to allow them the space and time they need to become all they can be,” says Christiane Northrup, M.D., author of Women's Bodies, Women's Wisdom (Bantam, 1998).

Kathlyn Hendricks, Ph.D., and Gay Hendricks, Ph.D., authors of Everlasting Love, say true love occurs when you shift from unconscious commitment to conscious commitment.
But is it really that clinical?

Cassandra Black, the author of Samantha's Cravings, (http://www.SamanthasCravings.com) a new novel about love, laced with improper timing, infidelity, choices and consequences, says she is a simple romanticist.

“I believe true love exists. Of course it does,” says Black. “But I think we are so numb in society today that many of us wouldn't recognize it if it bopped us over the head. Maybe it has been relegated to medieval times. We live in a too-fast society, riddled with rote, which is often the hurdle to subconscious, fateful wanderings of the heart.”

Ms. Black says when doing research for her book, she interviewed several women who talked about that one special someone. “Everyone knows who that one true love is in their lives if they've met them. But it takes courage to choose them; courage often strapped by fear and society's characterization of morality.”

It’s almost that time of the year again…Valentine’s day. It’s silently expected from your girl that you do something special for her, something to show her how much you love her. But what do you do for Valentine’s day this year?

Personally I think that Valentine’s day, Christmas, Easter, Mother’s Day and Father’s Day have become way too commercialized. It is stamped into your mind by social conditioning that you need to spend money on these days to show people that you care about them.

What happened to, ‘The best things in life are free’? Love is totally independent from material cost or possessions. I’m sure that you’d much rather spend the day taking a walk on the beach with the person you love than getting a $5000 watch from them while they’re too busy to see you. (I bet some of you will say you’d rather have the watch but in that case it’s not really love).
Valentines Day Ideas

Valentines Day Ideas

This brings me back to my main point. It’s Valentine’s day, and what do you do for your girl?
I was thinking of some things that I could do, like:

Booking a night in a luxurious hotel room for $200+ or booking a night in a spa hotel for $600+. Heck, you could even take her out for a fancy dinner which will likely cost you around $80 or more.

I think that you should do something special for your girl on Valentine’s Day, but it doesn’t necessarily have to cost you a lot of money. Often the most memorable and meaningful gifts are ones that are handmade or gifts that offer experiences (like a picnic on the beach at sunset).




57 Valentines Day Ideas



I’ve written all of these ideas from the perspective of guy to girl, but ladies, of course you can use any one of these ideas to make your man’s Valentine’s Day special too.



Pack a Picnic

Whether you just go for a lunch in a park or do a romantic evening picnic on the beach at sunset, the idea is that you get to spend quality time together, chat, laugh an enjoy great food.




Cook Her Dinner

This is really special if you hardly ever cook. Get a tasty recipe with all her favorite food and cook it at home for her. Add candles and a couple of roses and you’re set! (If you can’t cook you might want to practice the recipe before the actual day).





Play Her A Song (Yourself)

Imagine being able to play your girl’s favorite song on piano or guitar. She’ll be crazy about you!
Even if you have no musical experience, if you have the instrument it’s not that hard to learn a single song. Just search on Youtube for a tutorial and you will find dozens of videos that teach you note for note how to play the song you are looking for. Depending on the song you can learn to play it with a couple of hours of practice.





DVD Night With Sweets

It’s kind of cliche really, but still fun. Hire a couple of DVD’s (romantic comedy/drama get bonus points), pack your fridge full of cake, chocolate and her favorite sweets and enjoy an evening of cuddling and fun.





Under The Stars

Do you live in a place where you can see the stars at night? Then find a place where you can safely and privately relax, pack a blanket and cooler box with champagne and spend some romantic time under the stars together.





Flowers and Candles

This is also very cliche but your girl will still love it. Beautiful flowers or the bed covered in rose petals. Lots of candles around the bedroom. Let her come home and lead her into the bedroom like that and it’ll be a perfect Valentine’s day for her.





Take Her Dancing

If you know how to dance then this is an especially nice thing to do for V-day. Whatever your style of music (salsa, jazz, ballroom), if you can find a nice restaurant or club where youc an dance slowly and romantically she’ll love it!





Give Her a Massage

Not just a short 5 minute massage but a to-die-for massage. Learn the proper technique, get massage oils and lotions and pamper her for at least an hour or even two.





Scavenger Hunt

Plan an adventure with clues and little rewards leading up to a big treasure. This can be done in your house but also outside in the city or forest. If you’re feeling creative this could be a lot of fun.





Rent a Hotel Room

Even if the hotel is right next door to where you live, the whole luxury thing makes the day and night seem like a perfect romantic getaway. I know it’s expensive and you should only do this if you can afford it and because you really want to do it. Don’t do this just because it’s Valentine’s day.
Make Her a Mixed Tape

Well, in today’s time it’ll be a mixed CD. Get all her favorite songs and some of the most romantic songs of all time and compile it on a CD that you’ll give to her and play on the day at your place.
Look deep into his/her eyes with love and say ‘I Love You’

You may never have said it before or may you be so used to saying ‘I love you’ that it has lost meaning. If you really love your partner then say ‘I love you’ this time like it counts.
Take her out for a long drive at night.

Whether it be on a scenic drive out into the country or right through the heart of the city, a long drive with just the two of you can be incredibly intimate.
Plan a dinner out with your loved one.

It can be at a fancy restaurant, a posh place with a view or even some hippie joint with great food. If you want to make it really special, go to the place where you had your first dinner date together.
Surprise her.

Give her the dress or shoes she left at the store because there was no money or it just seemed like too much at the time.
Give her a plant.

Pot a plant in her garden which will grow up and remind her of you everyday, she crosses the garden.
Send her romantic love quotes.

You can give her a book, you can write a page, you can record a video. Give her a selection of romantic love poems that you think apply to her and your relationship together.
Give her a CD with pictures.

Make a selection of all the best pictures you’ve taken in your time together. This will be an amazing memory and very thoughtful from your side. Ladies, if you want to surprise your man, make him a CD with lots of naughty pictures of yourself.
Arrange a pool party for her at night.

Find a private pool you can use or rent at night. Make sure there are lights under water, and place candles all around the pool.


Go Clubbing

There’s nothing wrong with some wild partying and clubbing on Valentines day. Just the two of you, go out and have fun. You can even pretend like it’s the first time you’re meeting each other and flirt and roleplay.
Sexy Times

If you want to appear wild, give her red, hot lingerie. She can put it on for you right away.
Fake Stay-Away

Surprise her by saying that you won’t be in the city but convince her to stay in that night. Show up at her door with dinner and a movie.
Breakfast in Bed

Serve a breakfast in her bed in the morning of Valentine’s Day. Add her favorite dishes to it.
Perfume

It might be cliche, but personally I can never get enough of my favorite perfume/cologne.Gift a perfume which she loves.
Baths & Spas

Women love to have romantic baths and spas. Make her both, especially with scented soaps, floating candles and message oils.





A Simple Card

Make a valentine’s Day card, full of the feelings you have for your valentine.
Home-Made Movie

If you’re any good with video editing you can make a very special and meaningful gift by combining and editing footage of her and of the two of you. This is really where you can get creative.





Take Her Shopping

All girls love shopping. Tell her you want to spoil her and let her choose whatever she wants. This may be very expensive so be sure that you can afford it (or tell her how much she can spend)
Photographs Are Forever

Print the best pic of both of you and give her a pretty photo frame with your photograph.





Write Her A Poem

Write a poem for her though you do not know how to write. She will love it.
Stick With The Theme

Arrange every moment of the day in the theme of love and hearts.
Burn Baby, Burn

Light a small bonfire at night and feel the warmth of each other around it.
Share a Laugh

Write some love words on craziest things like toilet paper, napkins which can be scented too. Make her laugh.
Jewelery

Buy her some romantic jewelery like a necklace or bracelet etc. You can engrave her name or a romantic message into the jewelery if you like.





Outsource A Musician

Take a group of musicians to her house who can sing romantic chorus for both of you.
Basket of Goodies

You can make a basket fill of little goodies and things your partner needs daily (like body sprays, lotions etc.).
Lipstick Love

On her mirror, write in lipstick, ‘I love you’. Be sure not to use her most expensive lipstick, she might not appreciate that.
Give Her A Day Off

Do her household job or chores for the day so that she can have the day off to do what she wants.
Get a Tattoo

Get a tattoo that’s symbolic of your love for her. I’d be careful getting her name tattooed, but if you’re absolutely 100% certain that she is the one for you, then go for it.
Be Adventurous

Go camping or for an adventure trip on this Valentine’s Day. How about bungee jumping or sky-diving?
Give her a manicure and a foot massage

If you know what you’re doing, make her feet pretty and give her the most relaxing foot-massage in the world.
Boardgame Love

Play scrabble, chess, act like teens, using ‘love’ words as many as you can.





Lead The Way

Leave a trail of rose petals from door of her room to the nearby part where you have arranged champagne and lit candles with romantic music.
Make a Donation

Donate to a charity or noble cause in her name. If she’s the kind of girl that will appreciate that then this can be a very meaningful Valentine’s Day gift.
Engrave Your Love

Carve your names in a heart on a tree. This way a symbol of your love for each other will be around for longer than your time on earth.
Romantic Cleaning

Secretly was her car and decorate it with hearts and flowers. Leave her a romantic note under the windscreen wiper.
Puzzle Love-Letter

Write her a love letter and cut the letter into jigsaw puzzle pieces that she needs to put together before she can read it.
A Formal Invitation

Make her an invitation letter, very attractive, decorated and romantic, inviting her to celebrate Valentine’s Day with you.
Romantic Reading

Hide some heart shaped bookmarks in her books and magazines.
Be An Artist

Draw a silly (or pretty) picture of both of you and write ‘Happy Valentine’s Day’ on it.
Publicize Your Love

Publish your love story in the personnel column of the local newspaper.Celebrate your Valentine on social networking sites like Facebook. Make profile of your partner special. Post some lovely message.
Visit a Church

Visit church for praying and remaining together, or even just for being thankful for life. If you’re someone who never goes to church then this may be really special.
Arrange Tickets For Her Favorite Rock Star Concert.

If you’re lucky enough to have a cool concert playing close to or even on Valentine’s day, take her there and enjoy the music together.
Give Her A Gift That Will Remind Her Every Month

Gift a monthly subscription of favorite website of magazines that he/she usually read.
Give Her Your Favorite Cologne

Give her your cologne, even if it’s half-used. This way when she misses you she can still smell your favorite scent and be reminded of you.
It’s In The Stars

Give her a love horoscope that describes your wonderful future with together with her.





Be Anonymous

Send her gifts without a sender’s name on it. Flowers, chocolates. You can even have them delivered to her work address during the day.

Romance 101

2
Give your lover a dozen roses and do it with a creative twist.
Give eleven red roses and one white rose. Attach a note that reads:
"In every bunch there's one who stands out and you are that one."

3
Sending a birthday card isn't just a good idea, it's an obligatory romantic gesture.
But how about doing something different this year?
On your lover's birthday, send a "thank you" card to his/her mother.

4
Gallantry never really goes out of style.
So every once in a while kiss her hand with a flourish.
Note: The proper way to kiss a woman's hand is to lower your lips to her hand.
You don't raise her hand to your lips.



Little Things Mean a Lot

6
Gift wrap a wishbone in a jewelry box.
Send it to her with a note that says,
"I wish you were here."

7
Unplug the TV.
Put a note on the screen saying,
"Turn me on instead."

8
Go through revolving doors together.

12
Write him a little love note.
Insert it into the book he's reading.



Bigger Is Better

16
Make a custom bannera BIG banner to welcome him home from a trip
(or just to say "I love you!").
Use construction paper and crayons, or poster board and markers, or old sheets and spray paint.

17
Craig liked doing things in a big way.
He was a dramatic and loud (though lovable) kind of guy. Mary, on the other hand, was proper and quiet (and just as lovable). Craig sometimes criticized Mary for not being expressive or outrageous enough. Until . . . one day when Craig returned home from a business trip and was greeted by Mary and two hundred forty-three members of the local high school marching band on their front lawn. (Most people don't consider John Philip Sousa marches to be romantic but Craig does!)



Romance for Dummies

34
Practice "Even-Day/Odd-Day" Romance:
On even days it's your turn to be romantic, and on odd days it's your partner's turn.

35
No time or too lazy to wrap those gifts?
Buy fancy bags and pre-decorated boxes for gift-wrapping presents.

36
Ask her best girlfriend or her mother for help. Ask her to go shopping with you (secretly!).
Tell her you want to spend one afternoon shopping for a year's worth of gifts for your partner. Establish a budget, let her think about it for a week, then go shopping together.



It's Not What You Do

68
Don't just walk into the house tonight the way you always do.
Pause on the porch; ring the doorbell;
and greet her with one red rose and a bottle of champagne.

71
Not that it really matters, but I was just wondering . . .

Why do we have birthday cakes and wedding cakes, but no anniversary cakes or Valentine's cakes?


Why do we have Christmas tree ornaments, but no special ornaments with which to celebrate other special occasions?


Why is Columbus Day a national holiday, but Valentine's Day isn't?


Why is it crude to tell jokes that characterize races and religions in stereotyped ways, but it's acceptable to be a "gender bigot" and stereotype men and women?



But How You Do It

72
Want to jazz up the presentation of a special meal?
Buy a little hunk of dry ice from a local ice house. Put it in a bowl of water and place it on your serving tray. You'll create wondrous, billowing white clouds!

75
Okay, let's say you've decided to give her the complete collection of The Moody Blues'
(her all-time favorite group) albums. Let's now give this gift a creative twist. Instead of simply wrapping the CDs and handing them to her, do this:

Remove the CDs from their cases.


Hide the CDs around the house.


Gift-wrap all the CD cases separately.


Attach a note to each gift . . .


Each note gives clues to the location of the CD . . .


And each note's clues are based on each album's title.


Days of Future Passed is hidden in a photo album.

To Our Children's Children's Children is in the kids' toy box.

On the Threshold of a Dream is hidden in your bedroom.

Long Distance Voyager is hidden along with airline tickets to Tahiti.



Classy

756
Dress up for dinner at home. Tuxedo for him, evening gown for her.

757
Hire a pianist to play during a romantic dinner at home.

758
Anything from Tiffany's.

759
Take a leisurely stroll through a local park or public garden.

760
Learn calligraphy so you can create incredible love letters for him/her.

761
Get a pair of crystal champagne flutes. Use them often!

762
Hire a limousine for an elegant evening out.

763
Have dinner-for-two prepared in your home by the best chef in town.



A Kiss Is Just a Kiss

94
Give her one Hershey's Kiss.
Give her one thousand Hershey's Kisses.

Remove all the little paper strips (that say "Kisses" on them) from a couple hundred Hershey's Kisses. Fill a little jewelry box with them. Wrap 'em up and present them to her.

Write a clever certificate explaining that the little paper slips are coupons
redeemable for one kiss each.

95
Best movie kisses:

The Way We Were: When Barbra Streisand and Robert Redford kiss in front of her fireplace.


Life Is Beautiful: The kiss underneath the banquet table.


Gone with the Wind: When Rhett steals a major kiss from Scarlett while he's helping her escape as Atlanta burns.

96
Best songs about kissing:

"Kiss Me in the Rain," by Barbra Streisand


"One More Kiss," from the Broadway musical Follies


"Kiss," by Prince


"Shut Up and Kiss Me," by Mary Chapin Carpenter


"Blowing Kisses in the Wind," by Paula Abdul


"It's Been a Long, Long Time," by Bing Crosby


"Kiss Me Baby," by The Beach Boys


"Kiss You All Over," by Exile


"Say It with a Kiss," by Billie Holiday


"Sealed with a Kiss," by Bobby Vinton


"Put That Kiss Back Where You Found It," by Benny Goodman



Daily & Weekly & Monthly & Yearly

223a
Daily Romantic Checklist:

Compliment your partner.


Spend twenty minutes of uninterrupted time together.


Check in with each other during the day.


Perform one small and unexpected gesture.


Say "I love you" at least three times.


Thank your partner for something.


Look for romantic concepts in the newspaper.


Take an extra minute when kissing good-bye.

223b
A Weekly Romantic Checklist:

Bring home one small, unexpected gift or present.


Share some form of physical intimacy.


Share an entire afternoon or evening together.


Share two insights you gained this week.


Write at least one little love note.


Mail something to your partner.


Make love!


Plan something special for the upcoming weekend.

223c
A Monthly Romantic Checklist

Plan one romantic surprise for this month.


Re-stock your stash of greeting cards.


Go out to dinner once or twice.


Rent at least two romantic movies.


Make love several times!


Make plans for a three-day romantic weekend sometime in the next three months.


Plan one romantic event with a seasonal theme.

223d
A Yearly Romantic Checklist

Make a New Year's resolution to be a more creative romantic.


Make plans for your next anniversary.


Think of an unusual way to celebrate your partner's birthday.


Review your plans for your next vacation.


Create a special "Romance" category in your household budget.


Make plans for Valentine's Day well in advance!



Wonderful Weekends

794
Select a theme for the weekend based on a type of movie.
(It could be a film genre, like westerns, science fiction or musicals; or it could be based on a favorite actor or character in a movie.) Rent three movies that match the theme and then: Rent costumes that match the theme! Exercise your creativity and sense of fun with a little fantasy!

795
Surprise your partner with an unexpected three-day weekend.
Arrange it ahead of time with his or her boss and staff. This may take some time to coordinate just right, but the payoff is well worth it!

Just picture the scene:It's a typical Friday morning. You both get up at your usual time. You shower and get dressed. Over breakfast you turn to your unsuspecting partner and say, "Oh, by the way, we've both got the day off work today. What would you like to do?"

After your partner recovers from the shock and showers you with kisses and thank-yous you get to plan the day together. What are you going to do?? Go back to bed and sleep til noon? Go back to bed and make love? Go for a drive? Go shopping? Go out for lunch?

796
The surprise get-away weekend is a romantic classic.
Find a quaint bed and breakfast or picturesque inn. Pack bags for both of you, and whisk your partner away upon his or her arrival home from work!

797
What if you have a house full of kids? Try the "Distraction Diversion":
Rent several of your kids' favorite movies; buy a ten-pound bag of popcorn and a bunch of juice boxes. The kids sit hypnotically in front of the TV while the two of you escape upstairs for some "quality time" together.




Generating Ideas

847
Set a goal of generating or discovering one new romantic idea each day for a year.
(Your commitment will help draw ideas to you.) Keep your notes, articles, comics, ads and miscellaneous reminders in a shoebox under your bed.

848
Train your subconscious mind to find romantic ideas for you.
Hey, why should your subconscious mind be doing nothing but daydreaming all day long while the rest of your mind is doing all the work? Scientists say that we only use about 10 percent of our brains: This is a way to boost your brain efficiency to 25 percent or better!

Seriously, you can assign a small portion of your brain the task of being constantly on the lookout for romantic ideas. The goal is to retrain your mind to stop filtering out those ideas, and start letting them come to the attention of your conscious mind. What starts happening is that romantic articles and gift ideas will start "jumping out at you." Guaranteed.

849
Practice creating "Variations on a Theme" for generating romantic ideas.

Start with any idea and build on it, expand it, extend it.

Start with "greeting cards": Buy one; buy a hundred! Make some yourself. Send one-a-day for a week, send one-a-day for a month! Frame some cards that she's given you.


Start with "candy": What's her favorite? Buy ten pounds of it. Fill her shoes with candy; fill her purse, her glove compartment, her pillow. Send it to her at work. Spell out words with it. Create trails throughout the house with it.




Be My Valentine!

274
For future reference:
Buy an extra bag of Valentine Conversation Heart candies and save them for use six months later.

275
While sharing stories from their childhoods,
Pete told Deb that, because he grew up poor, he was unpopular in grammar school. Every Valentine's Day when the children would decorate their shoeboxes so they could deliver Valentines to each other, Pete's box always remained empty. Deb thought this was the saddest thing she'd ever heard.

For the next Valentine's Day she decorated a shoebox and filled it with Valentines. And Deb promised him that he would never go without a Valentine again.




Little Love Stories

876
Charlie and his girlfriend Randi were aboard Continental Airlines flight 191
from Newark to San Francisco. Shortly after takeoff the pilot made this announcement: "I have an important message for the passenger in seat 3-B. Will you marry the gentleman in seat 3-A? If the answer is yes, press the Call Button for the flight attendant." As Randi burst into tears, Charlie kept saying "Push the button!" When she did, a flight attendant came up with a silver tray, champagne and the ring!

877
Mary was a Beanie Baby fanatic.
Her husband, Bob, hired a custom doll-maker to create a "Beanie Bob" for her.

878
Tom arrived home from running errands one Saturday morning
to find his wife, Susan, gone. His daughter handed him a note from her:

"Go to the drug store. See the pharmacist." Even though his first reaction was, "Why? Who's sick?" he went along. What else could he do but follow instructions? When he started up the car, a tape of romantic music started playing. ("Ah, ha! I think something's going on here!") The pharmacist had a card for him: "Happy Anniversary! Now, head for the liquor store!" A bottle of champagne was waiting for him there, along with another note: "Ready to celebrate? Not yet! On to the men's shop first!" A monogrammed shirt was his surprise there. The note was no longer a surprise: "Almost done! But first, please stop at the grocery store." A picnic basket packed with goodies was ready for him there.

The last note simply had an address on it. It led him to a romantic little bed and breakfast, where Susan was waiting for him. The rest, as they say, is history.



ABC's

942
Always kiss each other hello and goodbye. Be there for each other always.
Create an environment of love. Do it. Escape from the kids. Fight fair. Give of your time. Handle with care. Inspire your partner with your love. Judge not. Keep your good memories alive. Listen to her. Make love with your partner's needs foremost. Never go to bed angry. Offer to handle an unpleasant chore. Praise him. Quality Time isn't just for the kids. Respect her feelings. Say what you feel when you feel it. Tell her you love her every day. Every day. Understand your differences. Valentine's Day is every day. Walk together; talk together. Excite your partner as only you know how. You can never say "I love you" too often. Zero-in on his little passions.

943
Give your partner a "Romantic ABCs Coupon":

Write the letters of the alphabet on twenty-six slips of paper.
The coupon-holder picks one letter out of a hat.
The coupon-giver will create a day of romance with gifts and gestures that all begin with that letter.



Hearts
987

1
Make a heart-shaped pizza.

2
Your initials in a heart in skywriting.

3
Cut the kitchen sponges into heart shapes.

4
While out at a formal dinner, nonchalantly draw a heart on the back of his hand with a pen.

5
Have a heart-shaped pool built.

6
Your initials in a heart on wet cement in a sidewalk.

7
Trace a heart shape in fogged-up windows.

8
Your initials in a twenty-foot heart in the snow.

9
A quilt with a heart motif.

10
Your initials in a heart-etched on a brick in your patio.

11
Place the pepperoni in the shape of a heart on the pizza.

12
Trace a fifty-foot heart in the sand on a beach.

13
Grill burgers in the shape of a heart.

14
Heart-shaped sandwiches.

15
For math nuts: r = a (1-cosA).

16
Use heart-shaped stickers .

17
Band-Aids with heart designs.

18
Trace a thirty-foot heart on the ice when ice skating.

19
Heart-shaped place mats.

20
A silk tie with hearts on it.

21
A heart-shaped chunk of cheese.

22
A mug with hearts on it.

23
A heart-shaped mug.

24
A heart-shaped door mat.

25
Socks with heart designs on them.

26
Heart-shaped doilies.

27
Heart-shaped eyeglasses.

28
A front-yard flag with hearts on it.

29
Poke holes in a heart-shape in the crust of a freshly baked pie.

30
Make heart-shaped chocolate chip cookies.

31
Heart-shaped confetti.

32
The classic heart-shaped box of chocolates.

33
Heart-shaped chocolate treats.

34
Carve a heart with your initials in a tree.

35
Get a heart-shaped tattoo with her initials in it.

36
Greeting cards with heart.

37
Fold the dinner napkins into heart shapes.

38
Silk boxer shorts with a heart motif.

39
Draw hearts on the bathroom mirror with lipstick.

40
Use only Love Stamps with heart shapes on them.

41
Find a wine with a heart motif on the label.

42
Heart-shaped rubber stamps.

43
Heart-shaped cakes.

44
Heart designs in icing on a cake.

45
Heart-shaped candles.

46
Heart-shaped appetizers.

47
Heart-shaped picture frames.

48
Heart-shaped wreaths.

49
Heart-shaped ice cubes.

50
A heart-shaped rug.

51
Find a heart-shaped Jell-O mold.

52
Cut banana slices into heart shapes and put them in Jell-O.

53
Shape pancakes into heart shapes.

54
Cut toast into heart shapes.

55
Cut a heart shape out of toast and fry an egg in the center.

56
Heart-shaped Rice Krispy Treats.

57
Slice strawberries into heart-shapes.

58
A heart-shaped pendant.

59
A heart-shaped pin.

60
Heart-shaped earrings.

61
Heart-shaped pasta.

62
Heart-shaped red balloons.

63
Heart-shaped cookie cutters.

64
Heart-shaped key rings.

65
Heart-shaped candy conversation hearts.



Best of the Best

993

Best romantic gift: The gift of time


Best romantic present: Your own presence


Best romantic car: Triumph Spitfire


Most romantic comic strip: Rose Is Rose


Best romantic TV show: Mad About You


Most romantic city (in the world): Verona, Italy


Most romantic city (in the USA): San Francisco, California


Best romantic color: Red/PMS #1795 CVU


Most romantic Broadway musical: Phantom of the Opera


Best romantic movie: Casablanca


Best romantic actress: Greta Garbo


Best romantic actor: Clark Gable


Best romantic hotel: The Grand Hotel, Mackinac Island


Best romantic voice (male): Barry White


Best romantic voice (female): Sade


Best romantic song: "You are So Beautiful (To Me)," by Joe Cocker



Best Brief Advice

994
Gals: You want more romance? Give him more sex.
(Try having sex every night after night after night after night until he begs you to stop! Just try it as a little experiment. It just might transform your ho-hum relationship into a raging love affair!)

995
Guys: You want more sex? Give her more romance.
(Romance her like Don Juan. Like Romeo. Like Clark Gable. Romance her every day in every way. Romance her using every single idea in this book and then think up one thousand and one more ways to be romantic. And she'll give you all the sex you could ever dream of.)

996
Best way to create more time in your life:
Shoot your TV.

997
Use gifts and presents to express love and appreciation.
Don't use them to apologize after a fight or make up for some dumb thing you've done. This strategy eventually backfires.

998
The unasked-for gift is most appreciated.
The surprise gift is most cherished.