How to ask a Girl Out

There's a little bit of "Peanuts" love-struck Charlie Brown in every young man the moment he catches sight of his first little red-haired girl and realizes he's in love. His palms sweat, his voice goes into a definitive squeak, and he finds that he'd rather wear a lunch sack over his head than risk the humiliation of being turned down for a date.
If there's a special girl at your school, church or where you work that you have been wanting to get to know, here's some reassuring news to make you feel better: chances are that she's just as anxious about it as you are.


No one likes to be rejected. Why? Because it makes them feel as if something is personally wrong with them instead of the reality that it's the circumstances themselves that just don't make for a good match.
In taking the bold step of asking a girl out for the first time, the following guidelines will ease the pressure and increase your odds for an enthusiastic "yes!"

IS SHE AVAILABLE?

Much as young men might wish it to be otherwise, not every interesting or dazzling young lady on the planet is walking around unattached and available. She may already be seeing someone else. She may be a studious type who isn't dating anyone because she wants to focus on her education. Perhaps she comes from a family that has either forbidden her to date until she is older or does not want her to date someone outside their faith or ethnicity. Maybe it is the awkward scenario that her father owns the place where you both work or maybe her mother has had a longstanding spat with your mom. As long as both of you are minors and living under the house rules of a parent, rocking the boat will only add to the friction and make it difficult to pursue a more serious relationship.

In order to find out if the object of your affections is available, you need to hone your observation skills, pay attention to who her friends are, and, if need be, recruit an intermediary who knows both of you. Many a high school or youth group romance, by the way, has been nudged along by helpful matchmakers. In the event you learn that she is not available to go out with you, build a bridge and get over it. There is no reason why you can't be friends with this girl. If you are only doing it as a means to break up her existing relationship or cause problems with her family, however, you will be doing both of you a favor to look elsewhere for a date to the dance.

DOES SHE SEEM TO LIKE YOU?

Does she smile every time she sees you? Does she find excuses to strike up a conversation? Does she ask for your help with the French fry machine or comment on the minister's last sermon? These are clues that she wants to know more about you. Even if it doesn't lead to the great romance of the millennium, never discount the value of having sincere, fun and trustworthy friends of the opposite sex to talk to and spend time with. Think of it this way: sparks may not ignite with this particular young woman but she may have a roommate or a cousin visiting from Seattle who would be perfect for you.

COMMON GROUND

The fact that you attend the same school, go to the same church, or work the same shift at the pizza parlor already gives you plenty of stuff in common. If you're too tongue-tied to pop the date question, spend a couple weeks leading up to it with casual chit-chat. Ask her if she's seen a particular movie or what she thought of the last assignment in Mr. Carlson's history class. Compliment her on her appearance. Ask her opinion about a new CD that just came out. Make her laugh.

As your comfort level increases, pay attention to the clues she is communicating in response. Example:

YOU: Have you seen that new scary movie with Hugh Jackman?

HER: Not yet. I really want to but none of my friends want to go.

Hello? In case you weren't paying attention, she just handed you the perfect opening to say, "Maybe we could go see it together."

Always keep in mind that girls don't want to get turned down any more than boys do. Accordingly, they dance around the issue in the hope that the boys they like will get the hint. They're also not shy about letting boys know their likes and dislikes. For instance:

YOU: My brother's getting me tickets to the Monster Truck Smashatravaganza.

HER: (rolling her eyes) Those shows are so totally juvenile.

In the event that you happen to think that Monster Truck Smashatravaganzas are the ideal date, you will either need to find something different that both of you would enjoy together or find a girl who likes this type of entertainment as much as you do.

TIMING IS EVERYTHING

Never wait until the day of the event to ask someone if they'd like to go to it (i.e., the afternoon of the Senior Prom). What this tells the girl is that she probably wasn't your first choice. Even if she really was, these last minute tactics will come off as if someone else dumped you and you are desperate.

Planning a date in advance gives her the chance to decide what to wear, get someone to cover her shift, or just daydream in anticipation.

It's also crucial that you never ask a girl out in front of other people. If you do, one of several things will happen. She may say yes just to keep from embarrassing you, then turn around and tell you no and never to do that to her again. She may be excited and say yes, then regret that she has made your date first-page news and the ongoing object of unwanted gossip. She could also give you a flat no, an awkward moment which is compounded by everyone else witnessing it and labeling you a loser.

Pick a time when the two of you have some privacy. For instance, it could be a walk home from school or a break at the concession stand. While you can also resort to a phone call or an email, do you really want to trust to technology something as significant as a first date? What if there's a server glitch or the battery on your cell phone chooses that precise moment to die? Besides, girls really do like to be asked in person. If you must resort to something less traumatic than talking, an old-fashioned note is a sweet way to go.

HAVE A PLAN

If you're asking a girl to a dance, there's pretty much a clear understanding that dancing will be involved. If, however, you only ask if she wants to go out on Friday, she has no idea if you mean bowling, the movies or dinner at a nice restaurant. Have a plan in mind, as well as a specific time and whether you will pick her up or meet her somewhere. Oh, and make sure you have the funds to pay for this unless there is an agreement in advance that the two of you are going Dutch. Whatever time you have agreed to, be punctual. (It makes a good impression and shows that your word can be trusted.) Never, ever cancel a date unless it is a legitimate emergency. Word travels fast in social circles, no matter what age you happen to be. If you lie to her, it is a sure thing that she will find out about it. She will also tell her girlfriends and they won’t want to go out with you, either.

DON'T RUSH THINGS

Even if you're certain that this is the person you want to spend eternity with, a first date isn't the time to tell her that you have already picked out a house and the names of your six children. The purpose of a date is to have fun, get to know them, and decide whether you'd like to see him or her again. Relationships that are rushed are likely to burn out just as fast. You’re still young. Savor the moment. Have a good time. And if all goes well, you’ll have no problem getting a second date with this special someone.