How To Escape From a Bad Date

Fake an Emergency

1. Excuse yourself from the table.Tell your date that you are going to the restroom to “wash up.” Take your cell phone with you. If you do not have one, locate a restaurant phone that’s out of your date’s line of vision. Bring a restaurant matchbook or a business card that has the restaurant’s phone number.

2. Call a friend or relative for help.Tell them to call you (either on your cell phone or on the restaurant’s phone) and pretend there has been an “emergency.” Believable emergencies are:

* Personal Crisis: “My friend just broke up with her husband—she’s having a breakdown. I have to go.”

* Business Crisis: “My boss just called—she’s in Seattle for a major presentation, and has lost all her files. I have to e-mail them to her immediately.”

* Health Crisis: “My sister just called—our grandmother is alone and ill.”

3. Leave quickly before your date can protest.Apologize, but refuse any attempt your date makes to accompany you. If you leave swiftly and without hesitation, your date won’t have time to understand what’s happening or to object.

Slip Away Unnoticed

1. Identify your escape route.Observe your surroundings. Take note of the exits, especially the back doors. Look for the best way out and an alternative.

2. Plan to alter your appearance.Think about your most distinctive features and figure out how to hide or disguise them. The person you are trying to leave is going to see a figure moving past and away at a distance and will be focusing on the first impression. If you are not familiar to him and are uninteresting, you will not get a second look.

3. Excuse yourself from the table.Move to the restroom or any private area with a mirror to begin your transformation. Your date will probably wait two or three minutes before expecting you to return, so act quickly, before he begins looking for you.

4. Add or remove clothing.Layering garments will change your body shape and even suggest a different gender. A long coat will obscure your body type. Hats are especially useful because they conceal your hair and facial features. Eyeglasses, whether added or removed, work wonders. A shopping bag is a handy prop and can be used to hold your belongings.

5. Change your walk and posture.If you usually walk quickly, move slowly. If you stand up straight, hunch over. To alter your gait, slip a pebble in one shoe or bind one of your knees with a piece of string or cloth.

6. Use or remove cosmetics.Lipstick can change the shape of your mouth, heighten the color in your cheeks and nose, and even give you tired eyes if dabbed and blended on your eyelids. An eyebrow pencil can be used to add age lines, change the shape of your eyes and brows, or create facial hair.

7. Change your hairstyle or color.A rubber band, hairspray, water, or any gooey substance can be useful for changing a hairstyle, darkening your hair, or altering a hairline. Borrow flour from the kitchen to lighten or gray your hair color.

8. Adopt a cover role.A waiter in the restaurant may have an apron and be carrying a tray. If you can manage to procure these items, add or subtract a pair of eyeglasses, and alter your hairline or hairstyle, you can become invisible as you are moving out of the restaurant, into the kitchen, and out the rear door. Or you can take on the role of a maintenance worker; carry a convenient potted plant out the front door and no one will think twice.

9. Make your move.Do not look at your date.

Slip Out the Window

If you do not think you will be able to change your appearance enough to slip past your date, you may have to find another way to depart. Back doors are the simplest; they are often located near the restrooms or are marked as fire exits. Do not open an emergency exit door if it is alarmed unless absolutely necessary; an alarm will only draw attention. If there are no accessible alternate doors, you will need to find a window.

1. Locate a usable window.Avoid windows with chicken wire or large plate glass. Bathroom windows often work best. If you are not on the ground floor, be sure there is a fire escape.

2. Attempt to open the window.Do not immediately break the window, no matter how dire your need to get out.

3. Prepare to break the window if you cannot open it. Make sure no one is around. If you can, lock the bathroom door.

4. Find an implement to break the window.Try to avoid using your elbow, fist, or foot. Suitable implements are:

* Wastebasket

* Toilet plunger

* Handbag or briefcase

* Paper towel dispenser

5. Strike the center of the glass with the implement.If the hand holding the implement will come within a foot of the window as you break it, wrap it with a jacket or sweater before attempting to break the glass. If no implement is available, use your heavily wrapped hand; be sure you wrap your arm as well, beyond the elbow.

6. Punch out any remaining shards of glass.Cover your fist with a jacket or sweater before removing the glass.

7. Make your escape.Do not worry about any minor nicks and cuts. Run.

Get Your Date to Leave

1. Say something offensive. If you know your date is of a particular religion or ethnicity, make inappropriate comments.

2. Behave inappropriately.Do things that you think he will find unattractive or distasteful: chew with your mouth open, eat with your fingers, argue with the waiter, close your eyes and pretend to sleep, light matches and drop them on your plate, ignore everything he says, and/or call someone else on your cell phone.

3. Send your date on a “fool’s errand.”

* Tell him you want to go to a specific nightclub, but explain that it gets very crowded and that if you are not in line by a certain time (say, 15 minutes from then), you won’t get in. Tell your date that you have arranged to have your friend stop by the restaurant with guest passes, but that if your date does not go ahead to the nightclub to get in line, you’ll never make it inside. If your date wants your cell phone number, give the number willingly but make sure you change one digit. Promise you will see your date within half an hour. Never show.

* Fake an allergy attack, and insist that he leave in search of the appropriate over-the-counter allergy medicine. Explain that you must have been allergic to something in the drink/appetizer/food/taxicab, and that if you do not obtain your medicine you will break out in hives. When your date dutifully leaves, slip away.

Be Aware

* Blind dates are the riskiest forms of dating—it is best to check out a potential suitor extensively before the date.

* Have a friend agree to check out your potential suitor and call you before you enter the bar/restaurant. Send your friend in with a cell phone. Situate yourself at a bar nearby, and await her call. Have her contact you when she has identified the mark.

* If you discover unsavory facts about someone you’re supposed to meet, call immediately to cancel the date. Blame work and say that you have to stay late at the office, or say that you’re experiencing car trouble. A more permanent solution is to say that an old flame has reentered your life; this will prevent your blind date from calling you again and asking for a rain check.