Dating & Relationships

Cougars (women in their 40s+ dating men 7+ years their junior) or Pumas (women in their 30’s dating younger men) whatever you like to call them, whether you love or hate them, they are out there. From Halle Berry to Demi Moore they love their younglings, and we’re not talking about their children. Why these women do it? Because they can, they are at their sexual peak and who better than a younger guy to fulfill those needs? They’ve got stamina and that’s all they need. Do you like older women?


What is a cougar?The Unknown Cougar !

The short answer: A cougar is an older woman who is primarily attracted to and has sex with significantly younger men. I have to ask …”and this is wrong and unacceptable, why?” (giggle)

The long answer: The most commonly accepted definition of a cougar is a woman 40 years of age or older who exclusively pursues very young men. “Define very” (insert giggle and cougarish grin here) The onset of the cougar years is hotly debated. The ten year age difference seems to be an unspoken but accepted minimum between participants.


Why does this happen?

Is it about sex? A woman sexually peaks at 40 while a man peaks at the age of 17. I think if a woman passes the “age of matrimony”, before she finds an old partner that shares the same passion, she would venture into recreational flavoring of younger men.

Why would men ever be interested in older women? It’s simply because they are attracted to the confidence and sexual experience of older women and there are no strings called commitment attached.

Older, single women have been dubbed "cougars" for a reason: they're felines (females) who hunt younger men. As such, cougars are an interesting and unusual breed of women. They seem to want what men want: sex with no strings attached.

In that respect, they seem almost like the female counterpart of The Player: The Playerette. However, the cougar and the playerette have some key differences.

Read on to learn these differences and get some tips to help you make the most of these great creatures.

Typically, cougars prey upon men almost young enough to be their sons. Fortysomething cougars would be attracted to men in their 20’s, and fiftysomething cougars would pursue men in their 30’s and so on. Some cougars are less interested in a relationship than a sexual conquest, perhaps enjoying the fact that they are physically appealing to men who are considered to be in the prime of their virility. Again I ask …”and this is wrong and unacceptable, why?” and I’m giggling…What I didn’t know was that a cougar can be married or unmarried.Ashton Kutscher & Demi Moore

Although the term ‘cougar’ comes from the big game predatory cat of the same name, the cougar connection also may allude to the wearing of animal print clothing by older and more sexually aggressive women. How many of you just stopped to think if they have been sighted wearing animal print lately? I know I just mentally scanned my closet, phew I’m good.

In my opinion we are hearing more about older women with younger men because people in general have become more accepting and desensitized with just about everything in life. Women are financially independent and are looking for fun with no complications or expectations. Not to say that dating a younger man doesn’t come with complications.


Types of cougars

First off, we must understand that there are certain types of cougars.

Cougar Type 1- The type of cougar that hooks up with young athletic-types (think Susan Sarandon in Bull Durham). She may settle for a less physical, more suave catch, but the point is, she thinks like a man in that she's looking for the hottest-looking guy she can get -- the female equivalent of a guy meeting the Swedish bikini team.

Cougar Type 2- The confused cougar that looks for easy sex, but really seeks a relationship man. She'll tart herself up and come on strong, but right around the time things start to get intimate -- either shortly before or after you know her in the biblical sense -- she reveals herself to be a seeker.

Tread carefully and don't get caught with type No. 2.

how to spot a cougar
Appearance:

* She dresses quite suggestively, often younger than her age -- she wants desperately not to look middle-aged.
* Her clothes will generally be tight or low-cut -- anything to make a guy notice her. From afar she might look like a young hottie, which gets guys to approach. Get close, see the wrinkles and makeup, and her true age becomes apparent -- but by that time she's already being flirtatious and has lured you into her lair.
* She'll often be a smoker (cigarettes are a sexy prop, and "got a light?" is a good approach) who dies her hair (blonde is most popular) and dolls herself up (seems to be sponsored by Revlon).
* They often hang out in groups, acting as wingwomen for each other. On the other hand, given their considerable experience and resulting confidence, they will not wait for their friends to hit the bars. Logistically, it's easier for an easily picked-up woman to fly solo.

Her behavior is much more forward...

Your fellow tenant in the place where you live.

Sure, it's convenient at first, a love affair with the hottie on the first floor ... but once it goes down the tubes, it's can be kind of awkward, as it was for my old buddy Henry. He lived above the girl he was sleeping with for a few months. After they broke up, there were a few times when she called him, saying "I can hear you up there--who are f**king? WHO IS SHE?" Scary. He was getting ready to find a new place, cheap rent be damned, when the girl rang up to report (in tears) that she was moving out, because she couldn't take it any more.



Your dentist.

Little-known fact: Dentists are party animals. A crazy friend of mine, Cassie, once dated her dentist, and they'd go out clubbing every night and snort a bunch of coke, and he bought her a diamond bracelet for their, like, one-week anniversary--and then went totally psycho on her when she tried to break it off! Wouldn't stop calling, showed up in the middle of the night banging on her door--and then she even heard from the crazy dentist's wife! (She hadn't known he was married!) ... Having heard this insane story, I declined when my own (quite adorable) dentist asked me out on a date two years ago. But the whole thing was so awkward that I haven't been able to call him for an appointment since. And my teeth are rotting! Let this be a cautionary tale to you wild kids out there: Dating the wrong kind of men (i.e. dentists!) can really put your dental hygiene at great risk.



Your shrink.

The evil stepmother of a friend of mine recently broke up with her husband--my friend's father--so she could start dating her shrink. What makes this whole story even more wrong is that she herself is an psychoanalyst! So people, Prince of Tides nonwithstanding, please don't pull your therapist onto the couch with you. It's bad news when the person who is supposed to help you figure out all your psychodrama becomes the person who is creating it.



Your office-mate.

My father likes to say: Don't piss where you eat. Similarly: Don't screw where you toil. In other words: Please think carefully before you let your office-mate dip his pen in your ink well. He is someone you will have to see every single day, after all, and behave professionally in front of from 9-to-5. If you're convinced you're in love and you two will go the distance, that's one thing. (And I still might hold off till one of you get transferred to a different department.) But going out to, say, the Corner Bistro, after work, getting wasted on shots to celebrate the end of a tough week, and then taking your co-worker home with you ... ? Probably a terrible idea. Probably not worth the potential awkwardness. (Then again, my crazy friend Cassie dated someone she used to work, and that didn't go so badly--perhaps because she got fired about two weeks after the affair started so they were free to continue their romancing without the pressures of the work-place. And you know what she and her beau did on her last day of work? They stayed later than everyone else--and then they had sex on her boss's desk! I kid you not.)

1. BODY INSECURITIES

You know you have this problem if...
You cringe and cover up when your partner sees you naked.
Compliments make you nervous and defensive.
Thinking about his positive attributes makes you wonder what he's doing with you.

Why is it a problem?
When we are ashamed of our bodies, we "withdraw sexually" and have trouble "being playful and free," says relationship expert Dr. Alice Pisciotto. Many people resort to substances to deal with their insecurities (for example, drinking in order to have sex), which can ruin a sense of closeness.

How to fix it:
The first step is awareness: realizing, for example, that when he says, "you look beautiful in that dress" and you hear, "go to the gym," it's not because he's being sarcastic, but because you feel ashamed of your body. The second step is to learn to talk about it in an open, honest way. Explain your insecurities to him, why you think you have them, and how they make you feel. Then, pledge to yourself to throw the symptoms of insecurity out the window. Once you stop calling yourself fat, for example, you may stop feeling so fat.

2. BAD TIMING

You know you have this problem if...You bring up sore points — issues you argue about often or recently — at romantic dinners, family functions, or company events. Or, worse yet, you bombard him with accusations the second you're alone.

Why is it a problem?
"This really drives guys crazy," says Pisciotto. Everyone knows that communication is important to a good relationship, but knowing when and where to communicate can be just as important. Bringing up a problem at an inappropriate time or place will almost never solve it, and will become a problem in its own right. And he'll be reluctant to bring you along to his cousin's wedding if he's worried you'll be shooting him dirty looks all night.

How to fix it:
If you want to talk about a problem, give some forewarning, says Pisciotto. "X is really bothering me. Can we talk about it tonight?" Have a safe, private place where you can talk without feeling uncomfortable. And if you really want to resolve the issues, make sure you are talking in person and never by text message or e-mail.

3. SNAPPING

You know you have this problem if...
Your partner complains you're always blowing up at him — whether he forgot to pick up the dry-cleaning or threw out the manuscript for the novel you've secretly been working on.

Why is it a problem?
You may be using these explosions as a substitute for intimacy, says Pisciotto. "If you say, 'I love you,' who knows how he's going to react?" You may get a grunt, you may get a kiss, you may get some bad news. "But if you scream at him, you know he's going to scream back." Excessive anger may be a sign that you're insecure about his feelings for you. Snapping at him allows you to control his behavior because his response — anger — is predictable. But if he feels like he's always about to step on a land mine, you may be doing the very opposite: driving him away.

How to fix it:
"This is really an issue of self-awareness," says Pisciotto. The next time you feel mad at him, ask yourself if your anger is proportionate to the offense. If not, think about why you feel so furious: Are you mad about something else that you haven't talked about sufficiently? Does his anger reassure you of his feelings (i.e., "if he's screaming at the top of his lungs, he must be passionate about me")? Are you insecure about his feelings because of something he has done, or because of something unrelated that happened to you in the past? Instead of blowing up at him, try to calmly and insightfully tell him why you are feeling so enraged. Use "I" sentences instead of "you" sentences: "I felt angry when you didn't call, because it made me feel like you don't care about me," rather than, "You didn't call me! You don't care about me!"

4. KEEPING SCORE

You know you have this problem if...
You're keeping a tally of the gives and the takes.
You say things like, "Yes, we hung out with my friends tonight but I hung out with his friends for the last five days."

Why is it a problem?
"Keeping score is usually a sign you don't feel understood, that you don't feel heard," explains Pisciotto. You feel that your partner doesn't realize or appreciate the contributions and sacrifices you make for the relationship. "This becomes the 'yes, but' of the relationship," says Dr. Pisciotto. "Yes, you took me out to dinner tonight, but I paid the last six nights. Yes, you initiated sex tonight, but I always initiate. Yes, you care about me, but I care about you more."

How to fix it:
When you catch yourself thinking or saying, "Yes, but..." step back and ask yourself why. Is this an isolated incident: Are you really the one who always does the dishes, and you just want him to help out more with household chores? Or is it part of a bigger problem: Do you feel like you always make more sacrifices for the relationship, and the dishes are just one example of many? Keeping score provides you with ammo to win the argument "Who's the better partner." It's childish behavior that you should do your best to minimize. Be hypervigilant when your thoughts slip into the "Yes, but..." pattern. Remind yourself that although you may give more in this particular area — you always pay for dinner out — he may give more in another, like always buying the groceries.

5. LETTING THE PAST DICTATE THE PRESENT

You know you have this problem if...
You blame your current boyfriend for problems you had in your last relationship: Your ex had an affair with his personal trainer, so you tell your new boyfriend you like the "chubby look" to keep him out of the gym.

Why is it a problem?
It's a basic truth of psychology that "we often repeat problems in order to solve them," says Pisciotto. For example, when you're suspicious that your new boyfriend is going to cheat on you, like your ex did, your subconscious is trying to come to terms with the old problem. The effect will hardly be productive: You're likely to create some new issues with your current boyfriend without solving the issues from your past.

How to fix it:
Take a moment to ask yourself: Are there any issues or arguments you had with a former boyfriend that still bother you? If so, write them down and be on the lookout. The next time you're angry with your current boyfriend for something similar, ask yourself whether or not he deserves it. If not, Pisciotto recommends telling him about your ex and asking him about his. But be clear that you're talking about your old flame solely for the purpose of improving your current relationship. Your new guy doesn't want to hear about how your ex just got a promotion, what a great cook he was, or how amazing he was in bed.

It's the new riddle of the Sphinx: “Why didn’t he call me back?” You have a great first date with a promising guy. You think it went well and expect to see him again… but then poof! He vanishes inexplicably. You sit around with your girlfriends and debate why he didn’t call you back. What happened in between “I’ll pick you up at 8pm” and “poof?” You speculate, you obsess, you rationalize, you justify. You want to know why. When your friends tell you, “It’s not you, it’s him,” you want to know if they’re trying to be nice or telling you the truth.

Guess what? There is someone who does know the truth about what really happened on your date. But it’s not you. It’s not your friends. And it’s certainly not your mother. It’s the guy you went out with. So I decided to ask him for you! In fact, I asked 1,000 “hims.” During the past ten years as a dating coach and matchmaker, I conducted “exit interviews” with 1,000 single guys to find out why you never heard from him again after a date, or after he flirted with you online or at a party. And I got some real answers. It turns out there are clear, consistent reasons why men show initial interest and then disappear. Sure, sometimes the issue is all his—who hasn’t gone out occasionally with a real jerk? But it turns out that many times we’re sending out signals we might not be aware of. And the good news is that most of these signals are easy to fine-tune.

Men essentially confessed that when they first meet you, they have several “female stereotypes” floating around in their mind. They quickly try to peg which stereotype you are and then look for evidence to back up their hunch. You know who you are deep down, but he doesn’t yet. So he will decide whether to call you again based on his perception of you, not the reality. In the early stage of dating, perception is reality. Here are three of the most common reasons men revealed why they aren’t calling women back (get the other 7 reasons - and what you can do about all of them - in my new book).

Reason #1: The Boss Lady
His perception: He’d rather hire you than date you. He perceives you as argumentative, controlling, overly independent, and not feminine or warm. While you think he’s intimidated by your success, he’s thinks you have a prickly attitude and imagines that snuggling with you is like hugging a porcupine in a pin-striped business suit!

Your reality: You’re confident, forthright and successful, but he can’t yet see those great qualities behind your tough demeanor. Try showing your warm, sensitive side first by talking about your adorable nephew or your volunteer work at the animal rescue shelter. And definitely change clothes after work into a flirty skirt instead of staying in that power business suit.

Reason #2: The Park Avenue Princess
His perception: You’re looking for a “Perfect 10”: the guy’s who’s a 5 on the looks scale with $5 million in the bank. He thinks you’re high maintenance, superficial, or a gold-digger.

Your reality:You can take care of yourself. You enjoy spending what you make. Maybe you’re interested in a nice lifestyle, though it’s not your only priority. But he’s jaded by all the gold-diggers he dated before you (you’re guilty until proven innocent). So instead of asking him “What’s your favorite hotel in St. Bart’s?” you should ask “What’s your favorite little neighborhood café?” When the waiter inquires whether you’d like tap or bottled, don’t order the Evian; one glass of city water (almost) never killed anyone! {Tip: squeeze a little lemon in your glass…}

Reason #3: The Sadie Hawkins
His perception: You’re pursuing him. You sent him a thank-you email after your date, and immediately he knew you liked him. He may even think you’re a little desperate. Deep down, he feels deflated because when he likes a woman, he’d rather do the chasing.

Your reality: That thank-you email was a show of good manners, not a subtle hint for him to ask you out again. At work you’re rewarded for taking initiative, but with guys you have to let them reach out first. Don’t say, “Let’s do this again sometime”—that’s his line. This is one time in your empowered, take-charge life when you have to sit back and wait after a first date—do absolutely nothing to follow-up (don’t even check to see if he’s logged into his online dating profile). He’s a big boy and knows how to contact you if he’s interested.

I truly believe it’s not that “good” guys don’t exist, but rather that simple (mis)perceptions—which can be easily tweaked once you’re aware of them—are standing in Cupid’s way. Which stereotype do you think men might be labeling you?

He Said: It's my experience that maturity and age are two things that rarely comingle. Age does matter in relationships, and anyone that tells you otherwise is either in high school and has a crush on one of their teachers, is a Miley Cyrus fan, or worships Hugh Heffner. Age is the vehicle by which we experience common milestones in life. These milestones give us the ability to relate to one another. We all experience a first kiss, first partner, first sex, marriage, home, career, child, divorce, etc. If you're at the end of this list, what on Earth could you have in common with someone near the beginning? There is a reason that most couples today do not have a significant age difference. Consider that over the last one hundred years, the average age difference between married couples is 3.5 years. Coincidence? No. Call it what it is — a trend.

When my divorce was final, I went out of my way to date women of different ages ranging anywhere from twenty-two to fifty-three years old. I found that with younger women, I felt attracted but bored. With older women it was just the opposite — I was interested but did not feel attracted to them. With each woman I dated, things ended as quickly as they began. In hindsight, the only thing I was clear on regarding the women I described was that I wanted to date and was initially attracted to them. Their age should have been a warning to me that we may have nothing in common.

This experience taught me two things. The first is that age is not just a number. It is a fairly accurate measurement that describes where you have been and what is left in front of you. It tells you what you may have in common with someone. The second is to know what you are attracted to, understand what you want in a partner and a relationship, and confirm that these things are in agreement before you choose to spend time with someone.

Now, I stay away from age extremes, and in those rare moments I meet someone extremely younger or older that I'm into, I look for common interests before committing to a date. This works for me because I recognize that age matters. It is simply naïve to think otherwise.

She Said: I'll be honest here — I like 'em old. Save for my first boyfriend, who was just two years older than me, the men I've dated and clicked with have generally been anywhere from six to twenty years my senior. Now a twenty year age difference may not be the norm or "average" (neither is six, for that matter), but I hardly think it's a strong predictor for the success of a relationship (after all, nearly half of those couples with the "ideal" age difference between them get divorced), and it amuses me how shocked people continue to be about an age discrepancy. Do I think it's a great idea for 16-year-old Miley Cyrus to have dated a 20-year-old? Not necessarily, but I'll leave it up to the two people in the relationship to decided whether or not it works for them.

Age itself isn't a factor in compatibility —it's elements like maturity and life experience, which tend to correlate with age, that can make or break a relationship's long-term potential. But so can future goals, background, culture, family, career, personality, and sexual chemistry. I tend to think that the combination of those factors (maturity and life experience included) takes precedence over whether or not your significant others gets your clever Beverly Hillbillies reference. And while we're at it, can we retire lingo like "cougar" and "cradle-robber" (or grave-robber, as I've been called) — it condescends both parties in question and is on par with sticking a cutesy label on someone who dates outside of their own race or background, in my opinion.

Date and let date — unless you're currently involved in a triad relationship with the May-December couple you're commenting on, leave it to them to form opinions on how their age gap works for them. Age and maturity often go hand in hand, but you can certainly have one without the other.

All that said, I do have one (admittedly hypocritical) rule when it comes to dating much older men. To weed out the creepsters, I always ask if they generally date women as young as me. If they make a habit of trolling for women at the local college campus, I move on. I want to be the exception, not the rule.

Fake an Emergency

1. Excuse yourself from the table.Tell your date that you are going to the restroom to “wash up.” Take your cell phone with you. If you do not have one, locate a restaurant phone that’s out of your date’s line of vision. Bring a restaurant matchbook or a business card that has the restaurant’s phone number.

2. Call a friend or relative for help.Tell them to call you (either on your cell phone or on the restaurant’s phone) and pretend there has been an “emergency.” Believable emergencies are:

* Personal Crisis: “My friend just broke up with her husband—she’s having a breakdown. I have to go.”

* Business Crisis: “My boss just called—she’s in Seattle for a major presentation, and has lost all her files. I have to e-mail them to her immediately.”

* Health Crisis: “My sister just called—our grandmother is alone and ill.”

3. Leave quickly before your date can protest.Apologize, but refuse any attempt your date makes to accompany you. If you leave swiftly and without hesitation, your date won’t have time to understand what’s happening or to object.

Slip Away Unnoticed

1. Identify your escape route.Observe your surroundings. Take note of the exits, especially the back doors. Look for the best way out and an alternative.

2. Plan to alter your appearance.Think about your most distinctive features and figure out how to hide or disguise them. The person you are trying to leave is going to see a figure moving past and away at a distance and will be focusing on the first impression. If you are not familiar to him and are uninteresting, you will not get a second look.

3. Excuse yourself from the table.Move to the restroom or any private area with a mirror to begin your transformation. Your date will probably wait two or three minutes before expecting you to return, so act quickly, before he begins looking for you.

4. Add or remove clothing.Layering garments will change your body shape and even suggest a different gender. A long coat will obscure your body type. Hats are especially useful because they conceal your hair and facial features. Eyeglasses, whether added or removed, work wonders. A shopping bag is a handy prop and can be used to hold your belongings.

5. Change your walk and posture.If you usually walk quickly, move slowly. If you stand up straight, hunch over. To alter your gait, slip a pebble in one shoe or bind one of your knees with a piece of string or cloth.

6. Use or remove cosmetics.Lipstick can change the shape of your mouth, heighten the color in your cheeks and nose, and even give you tired eyes if dabbed and blended on your eyelids. An eyebrow pencil can be used to add age lines, change the shape of your eyes and brows, or create facial hair.

7. Change your hairstyle or color.A rubber band, hairspray, water, or any gooey substance can be useful for changing a hairstyle, darkening your hair, or altering a hairline. Borrow flour from the kitchen to lighten or gray your hair color.

8. Adopt a cover role.A waiter in the restaurant may have an apron and be carrying a tray. If you can manage to procure these items, add or subtract a pair of eyeglasses, and alter your hairline or hairstyle, you can become invisible as you are moving out of the restaurant, into the kitchen, and out the rear door. Or you can take on the role of a maintenance worker; carry a convenient potted plant out the front door and no one will think twice.

9. Make your move.Do not look at your date.

Slip Out the Window

If you do not think you will be able to change your appearance enough to slip past your date, you may have to find another way to depart. Back doors are the simplest; they are often located near the restrooms or are marked as fire exits. Do not open an emergency exit door if it is alarmed unless absolutely necessary; an alarm will only draw attention. If there are no accessible alternate doors, you will need to find a window.

1. Locate a usable window.Avoid windows with chicken wire or large plate glass. Bathroom windows often work best. If you are not on the ground floor, be sure there is a fire escape.

2. Attempt to open the window.Do not immediately break the window, no matter how dire your need to get out.

3. Prepare to break the window if you cannot open it. Make sure no one is around. If you can, lock the bathroom door.

4. Find an implement to break the window.Try to avoid using your elbow, fist, or foot. Suitable implements are:

* Wastebasket

* Toilet plunger

* Handbag or briefcase

* Paper towel dispenser

5. Strike the center of the glass with the implement.If the hand holding the implement will come within a foot of the window as you break it, wrap it with a jacket or sweater before attempting to break the glass. If no implement is available, use your heavily wrapped hand; be sure you wrap your arm as well, beyond the elbow.

6. Punch out any remaining shards of glass.Cover your fist with a jacket or sweater before removing the glass.

7. Make your escape.Do not worry about any minor nicks and cuts. Run.

Get Your Date to Leave

1. Say something offensive. If you know your date is of a particular religion or ethnicity, make inappropriate comments.

2. Behave inappropriately.Do things that you think he will find unattractive or distasteful: chew with your mouth open, eat with your fingers, argue with the waiter, close your eyes and pretend to sleep, light matches and drop them on your plate, ignore everything he says, and/or call someone else on your cell phone.

3. Send your date on a “fool’s errand.”

* Tell him you want to go to a specific nightclub, but explain that it gets very crowded and that if you are not in line by a certain time (say, 15 minutes from then), you won’t get in. Tell your date that you have arranged to have your friend stop by the restaurant with guest passes, but that if your date does not go ahead to the nightclub to get in line, you’ll never make it inside. If your date wants your cell phone number, give the number willingly but make sure you change one digit. Promise you will see your date within half an hour. Never show.

* Fake an allergy attack, and insist that he leave in search of the appropriate over-the-counter allergy medicine. Explain that you must have been allergic to something in the drink/appetizer/food/taxicab, and that if you do not obtain your medicine you will break out in hives. When your date dutifully leaves, slip away.

Be Aware

* Blind dates are the riskiest forms of dating—it is best to check out a potential suitor extensively before the date.

* Have a friend agree to check out your potential suitor and call you before you enter the bar/restaurant. Send your friend in with a cell phone. Situate yourself at a bar nearby, and await her call. Have her contact you when she has identified the mark.

* If you discover unsavory facts about someone you’re supposed to meet, call immediately to cancel the date. Blame work and say that you have to stay late at the office, or say that you’re experiencing car trouble. A more permanent solution is to say that an old flame has reentered your life; this will prevent your blind date from calling you again and asking for a rain check.

Q: What should I do if I go on a date, and early on it's clear the evening is going to be a huge flop? Do I stick it out? Is it kinder to make up an excuse and end the evening early?

A: End it, but have the courage to be kind and honest. He may not think it's a bust, so let him down gently. But don't lie or fake an emergency text message. If you're sharp enough to sense a flop, you're smart enough to find ways to say you don't feel right about the evening.

Why prolong the agony? Be cordial, and ease on down the road as quickly as you can without causing a scene. But first determine whether your date is creepy or only clumsy. Creepy always calls for an exit, but clumsy may be a sign of limited dating experience or introversion

If he's a nice guy but the sparks aren't there, stay put. Who knows? You may end up becoming friends, or he may be the perfect guy for someone else you know.

I second that. The right conduct is not to cut and run. The Golden Rule applies: Stick it out, and do your best to make sure your companion has as good a time as possible. Maybe your first impression was wrong. If you leave early, you'll never know if you missed a life-changing surprise.

I once cut a blind date short with mumbled excuses. By chance, I ran into him again at a party when we were both more relaxed. As Jack says, a life-changing surprise. Six months later, we were married.